Pope To Pop Fox News Bubble

foxbubbleVatican CityThe Pope has invoked an amazing amount of ire on the right. I haven’t seen this much angst since Obama tried to insure more Americans for less money. His Holiness recently stated that weapons manufactures can no longer call themselves Christians. What next, is the Pope going to stop supporting our troops? Will he revoke his NRA membership? From my cold, dead psalms! What you are now hearing is the sound of our Fox and Friends being nailed to the proverbial cross. Weapons of Mass Crucifixion?

Let’s face it, everything out of this pontiff’s mouth flies in the face of today’s republicana. He doesn’t like your economic disparities, he doesn’t like your guns, he doesn’t like your cavalier approach to environmental policies. Let’s face it, your own spiritual leader wants no part of your republican playbook.

“This Pope is as bad as an F-ing science book!”

—John Q. Republican

Can the Pope finally pop The GOP bubble? Is this the end of their bullshit ideology? Nope, I’m afraid the wrong brigade is here to stay.

To further clarify my position on gay marriage, this country was founded on religious freedom so my support is limited to a legal civil union recognized by Uncle Sam and/or progressive churches. I’m with the Pope on this much: making a priest perform a marriage that he feels is blasphemous is as disgusting as condoning the refusal of a civil marriage based on sexual orientation. Most find only one of these items offensive, which is the problem. These examples mark the extremes of our political pendulum. The media always says, most Americans are in the middle. Bullshit! We’re all polarized by design. But no one should be looking to change the tenants of Christianity. Wait, even the part about Moses leading the Israelites into Tijuana? Mexodus: Chapter Dos?

STAYCLERGY

I too have concerns for religious freedoms, especially when one considers who in the 21st century is left to defend them. If Fox and Frauds aren’t enough to turn our nation toward atheism, I don’t know what George Will. Sorry. There’s a joke in there somewhere.

I like Linker’s take:

“Every proposed expansion of state and federal anti-discrimination law to cover homosexuality must include explicit carve-outs regarding same-sex marriage for churches and religiously affiliated institutions, as well as for small businesses owned by conservative Christians.”

Damon Linker

We need to strike a balance between civil rights and religious freedoms. There is a lot of animosity toward Christianity, yet finding the origin of these attacks from mainstream sources remains difficult. Maher’s recent Real Time segment nailed it. He searched for instances of persecution from the left and came up empty. It’s a great bit, here.

He tried to find the culprits of this supposed witch hunt and, besides himself, he failed. He listed every major democratic leader, every MSNBC media anchor, every late night host and every major left-leaning newspaper. All these sources remain devoid of citable attacks on Christianity and, as Maher pointed out, most remain staunch defenders of the faith. In fact, they often attack him for his anti-religious rhetoric.

“80% of the Democrats in Congress are Christian. You can look this shit up, you know?”

—Bill Maher

I do agree with the right on this much, it’s not an entirely imagined assault—you know, like the War on Christmas. Certainly there’s a growing animosity toward organized religions. My take, here.

 

Dear Christian Conservatives,

No one cares about your skewed and ancient brand of spirituality, it’s your political leaders and your next Supreme Court appointments that scare the living shit out of the rest of us.

Sincerely,

Reality

P.S. Trump is in the lead? Really? You’re ideology IS FIRED!

 

Sure there’s some individual tirades out there, but the widespread and organized persecution of Christianity is another collective delusion. They should get their tenth delusion free. Finding any rational Christian Conservative, like steak tar tar, is a bit rare. Andrew Sullivan and Damon Linker are two exceptions, which is why I love them, but there’s no place for reasonableness amidst the terminally unreasonable. So they won’t be on Fox News any time soon.

I do hope liberals will lay down their torches and their pitchforks. I know the religious republicans have tarnished their brand, but let’s not pursue some Hipster Inquisition. Pabst Blue Ribbing? We can’t step on our religious freedoms, even if those defending said freedoms insist on doing so from a clown car. We could easily lose perspective in this polarized environment. Perhaps that’s the plan.

Liberals rarely elect their most extreme peeps, but it remains the modus operandi for The GOP. So what is the difference between the extreme views of the republican base and the candidates they elect? There isn’t any. I’ve been covering their collective conniption for a long time. In fact, their norm has now reached The Donald Level, so can you imagine who their Mad Dog 2020 candidate will be?

plaid

They’ve gone to plaid!

This is why gay marriage will not become a slippery slope to people marrying animals, robots or robotic animals. Sure there are always going to be individuals advocating for this sort of thing but, again, a few liberal outliers is a far cry from the entire republican base.

“Mama you’re all crazy now.”

—Slade

I respect many of my religious friends, even Pokey—ok, especially Pokey—but what I don’t like is their voting record. I will never understand how personal responsibly ends in a Palin, or Jesus ends in Cruz, or small government brings us to Trump. Conservatives are supporting a very very sick party, one that I maintain is on the verge of becoming irredeemable. I can no longer watch Fox News without anti-nausea medication. Queasyesiastes: Chapter Spew? Sorry. It’s my medication. Apparently, it’s contraindicted with gin.

I remember the eve of Obama’s re-election, when Andrew Sullivan and many others thought his 2nd decisive victory would be the impetus for The GOP to tact back to reality. I knew they were wrong and said as much at the time. I mean, how do you soul search when you’re soulless? I didn’t diagnose the GOP with a delusional and anti-personality disorder lightly. The political accomplishments of the Republican Party in the 21st century can be listed on a fortune cookie—even if you leave in the Learn Chinese part. Speaking of which, I found my last fortune cookie lesson disturbing.

fortunetoon

You see, a normal bubble is made from layers of soap and water so it doesn’t last very long. The batshit brigade fortifies the republican base each-and-every news cycle with a strong layer of feces, bigotry and paranoia. The Great Wall of Guano? So if you already reside in the bubble, the only thing in your entire field of vision is some scary shit. You’re in a closed-in universe, an echo chamber of like-minded irrelevance. Despite the vast majority of the world and their own spiritual leader in disagreement with their views, there’s no popping this bitch. You can step out of that Matrix-tub any time, my friends, but until then, forgive me if I’m rooting for you continued political marginalization.

As for my liberal friends, Pabst Blue Ribbon is an awful beer! It’s almost as bad as your pathetic voting records! Whereas I condone the continued conservative bashing, be mindful of infringing on religious freedoms—the future New Age cult you save may be your own. Speaking of which, don’t forget the Ghetto Shaman’s Find God through Salvia and Mad Dog 20/20 Meetup Group this Sunday. BYOMD.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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