So how does 70% of America end up on the wrong side of this mosque debate?  Well, I went a whole month without knocking Fox or Bush, but for this one a relapse is in order.  Fox is now trying to say that Obama is so desperate, he’s imploring Bush to help with the Great Moronic Mosque Debate of 2010 (GMMD-10).  In reality, the right has drifted so far into absurdity on this issue that Bush has actually become a shiny bright beacon of reason through which to lead lost souls back from the brink. 

Bush was able to differentiate radical Islam from moderate Islam.  But this new breed of conservatism can’t!  Bush actually did really well on this subject post 9/11.  But instead of learning anything from nearly destroying America, conservatism marches on.  They have not even tried to reform their party.  They haven’t even looked in the mirror yet, and they keep doubling down on stupidity.

Never has Beck and Cowan’s Spiral Dynamic Theory been so pronounced as during this GMDD-10 conflict.  Everyone followed the playbook to a tee. The Republican base, in lockstep with Fox News, was immediately outraged by a non-story. This is predominately blue (fundamentalism) with a good chunk of orange (entrepreneurialism) thrown in for good measure.  Also, to be clear, they represent the shadow side of both of these levels of consciousness (aka, the shittier parts).  This is the seemingly unredeemable group I call the Fighting Foxeteers.  Here’s the interesting part: if this many people get upset about something, what would you expect green (liberals) to do?  Start fracturing and splintering, of course.  Dean and Reid caved to the masses and then Obama, who thinks yellow on a good day (early integral), retreats to the green-meme for safety and for votes. 

I do appreciate their sentiment.  Many people are upset by this decision, so why build the thing?  Green is very sensitive to others, even when these others have officially flown over the cuckoo cuckoo’s nest.  End result, many liberals join the Foxeteers in true appeasement/green-meme fashion.  So you’re left with blue, orange, and half of green now against building the mosque (aka, most of America).  Wow!   And there’s how you get nearly everyone on the wrong page.  One of the only things Obama has done well thus far is to decrease Al-Qaeda’s recruitment capabilities.  And leave it to those America-loving-morons to even screw that up.  They’re only happy when the suicide bomber line raps around the building.  It makes them feel all snug and safe. 

What’s most unsettling is that now this new blue print can be used for almost any issue.  Aka, Fox wins and America loses.  I know, you thought they were on the same side. It was all the flag waving in the background—it stopped your brains. But through fear and a healthy dose of paranoia, the Foxeteers can win each and every argument.  Forty-percent will automatically believe “the programming” and, if there’s a perceived victim, green will splinter and cave on the issue as well—which is a recipe for disaster.  We need some integral thought soon, folks, or it’s time to close up shop.  If we give up our principles, we lose everything.  Whereas conservatives believe they corner the market on principles and things like the Constitution, they must understand that they champion only those aspects deemed useful to the CEOs of the world.  Everything else can be gutted on a whim; it’s all in the presentation.  Example: what better way to gut the rule of law then by calling something The Patriot Act?

I’m so torn…the Constitution is important, but I really want to be seen as patriotic.  Hmmmm.  What would Rush Limbaugh do? 

They will fool that group every time (See: all laws Cheney enacted).  The Foxeteers cheered as the Constitution burned, and they’ll do it again.  Don’t worry, they won’t take your guns.  You’ll hand them over when some future Fox commentator says, “Uncle Sam is giving out free firearm upgrades this week.”  Then you’ll dutifully place your AK47 on the cart during Operation Refitting Freedom. 

They have you all by your libertarian balls, which should not only anger your freedom-laden sensibilities, but should also inject a nice wave of homophobia into the mix.

If you lost people in the towers I can understand the high emotions this issue will evoke, but, at the end of the day, this is fabricated nonsense.  It’s the next bouncing baby ACORN.  If someone was trying to build two big Islamic domes on the spot where the buildings actually fell, you’d have a point. This is clearly not the case, so guess what?  You don’t. 

Granted, it is questionable for this Muslim group to forge ahead with their plans if 7 out of 10 Americans oppose the site.  What will their future be like if they do succeed?  They’re either doing this for a true, noble cause (religious freedom), or the red meme menace (tribalism) really is rearing its ugly head.  And, on that note, if the new mosque has ties to terrorism, shut it down through due process.  Just because Sean Hannity smears it, doesn’t mean a God damn thing.  There’s no credibility left for Fox News. For 40% of the population, credibility is apparently no longer necessary.  Hannity thinks he’s vindicated these days because the economy—the very economy he helped bring to its knees—isn’t bouncing back.  Quite a feather in your cap, Sean…quite a feather.  How’s that hopey changey stuff working out fur ya?  Do you have any idea what you people left us?  Oh, that’s right, you don’t…

 Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to bow toward Mecca (aka, Fox News headquarters). 

It’s time to pick on the thought police, those destroyers of the 1^st and 2^nd Amendment rights, the fodder for Hannity’s America, the Pluralistic Pelosi Police (P³).  You know them better as those libs against liberty, hiding in their dubious Ivory Towers.  I really didn’t see much liberal indoctrination during my 6 ½ year undergraduate work stint.  I met the inside of a lot of bars and the inside of a lot of young—never mind.  Suffice to say, my study habits were poor and my drinking habits were poorer.   I drink therefore I cram, kind of sums it up nicely.  

Upon re-reading Ken Wilber’s Boomeritis, his attack on liberal justice in our universities really struck a chord with me.  He thinks the Baby Boomers suffer from a disturbing mixture of pluralism and narcissism. When you give these people power, justice suffers. I never put an event that happened to me in college into perspective until re-reading Wilber’s work.  These professing type people (PTPs) with their PhDs in pluralism, really did railroad me.  I know this happened 20 years ago but…you’ll have to forgive me, as the Crank is quick to point out, I’m a little slow. 

College introduced me to a variety of legal court proceedings as well as a variety of collegiate court proceedings.  Just good clean fun, really.  It always made me smile watching fellow Discordian Dave Atsals on the stand.  He always butchered the arresting officer’s name just to see their neck veins bulge. As the hearing continued, the butchery always reached some absurd crescendo. My favorite was Officer Shoemaker, to Shoemacher, to by the end of the ordeal, Officer Scheissmeister.   He really said Scheissmeister—and not one day of German class.  Makes me almost want to see him back in trouble again, for old doing-time’s sake.  Sure court rooms were fun, but there is a real problem with the thought police currently lurking in those Ivory Towers.  Over the course of my college career, I got to see cops lie on the stand, judges begrudgingly do the honorable thing, and school professors make a total mockery of justice.  My experiences in an actual court of law were pretty darn fair, but academia?  I was always guilty until proven guilty.  The best example came my second or third sophomore year, when I was Cohabitating with Someone Illegally (CSI: Pennsyltucky).

Once upon a semester, my friend Shagg and I were going to visit my illegal dwelling pad.  As we entered the main lobby of the dorm, we passed the desk with a big jar filled with Starbursts.  No sign, just a jar.  Shagg took one of these sugary delights and popped it into a nearby microwave.  As he hit the on-button, the woman behind the counter pointed to a nearby sign and explained how the candy was for a contest—a ‘guess how many were in the jar for charity’ kind of thing.  Shagg dutifully opened the microwave door and plopped the candy back into the jar.   The Starburst was in the microwave for approximately a second or two.  We then said some of our typical drunken witty banter (TDWB) and we headed on our merry way. Little did we know, my friend’s actions would get both of us banned from that dorm for life.  Seriously, for life!  If I go in there now, twenty-years later, alarms will go off and men in radioactive suits will shuffle me into a decontamination room.  When, really, shit like that wasn’t justified until my junior year. 

Shagg received a letter in the mail a few weeks after the “incident.”  He was asked to appear before the monkey collegiate court for his actions—actions unbecoming of a Shaggy person.  And, little did I know, I was also accused of the same crime, but, having no address at the time, I didn’t find this tidbit out until the trial.  You see, in true Thompson/Lazlo fashion, I was acting as Shagg’s attorney (I thought it would be fun).  It was decidedly less fun when they told me, during the trial, that I was facing disciplinary action as well for Shagg’s heinous crime against humanity—or, at least, crimes against small multi-colored squares of confectionary versions of humanity.  Starburst Green, it’s people!

Oh, shit.  I was going to have to actually defend us now!  My original plan involved reciting parts of Otter’s speech from Animal House and belching the preamble to the Constitution.  But now I was on trial too—guilt by dissociation.   Apparently not having a mailbox does not absolve someone from a given crime.  Well, for the record, it should.

The episode even made the college paper, which may have had more to do with the fact that Shagg was a contributor/editor of, said, school newspaper than any actual merit of the story’s news worthiness.  There was a build up to the big day, as Shagg actually walked through campus throwing out handfuls of Starbursts to the cheering masses like some sort of deranged Riff Raffy Santa Claus. 

So with much pomp and circumstance, Lazlo and Thompson entered the head administration building on D-day.  The “trial” began on the third floor in this ivoryest of Ivory Towers.   We did get to meet our accuser, who seemed very uncomfortable with having the burden of facing such dark and heinous burst abusers.  The young lady, or victim, started the proceedings by explaining in breathtaking detail the accounts from paragraph four.  Just as I explained them.  Nothing more to add, nothing to see here, a real non-story, much like an Alex Bone feature.  As far as crimes go, this one was about as benign as Shagg and I got, especially taking into consideration the BACs we were likely sporting at the time. 

I was then permitted, as the lawyer—and now shit, shit, shit, the co-accused—to cross-examine the witness.  I walked back and forth before the woman, arms clasped behind my back in true Groucho fashion.  I asked such compelling questions as, “How do you know the accused?  No, no, that accused, not me.”  I wasn’t even supposed to be here today.   “Were any Starbursts emotionally damaged by the events of October 12^th?”

I did ask real questions too, such as, “When you explained that this candy was for charity, did Shagg immediately return the Starburst to the jar?” And, “Did we both follow your direction from then on?  Did we harass you in any way?  Wait, strike that last remark from the record.” (Shagg and I harassed about everyone back in college).   The only thing missing was a graph depicting the microwave’s impact on carcinogenic sweeteners.  Granted, we should have had that.

The woman completely corroborated our story.  We hadn’t, in fact, seen the sign, which was separate from the jar, and when we realized these items were not for public consumption, Shagg returned the single burst of starage immediately to the appropriate jarage.  The whole scene took a few seconds.  And I, the Starburst Kid to his Shagg Cassidy, never touched a thing!  Not the girl nor the goddamn candy!

Now during the “deliberation process” the prosecuting attorney/professor went over and talked to the student peers who comprised the jury.  This is never a good sign.  But we didn’t care at the time.  The state had no case.  We were going to walk out of there free men.   We were puffing on imaginary cigars and puffing out our chests; we were huffing and puffing and would blow their house down.  They had nothun’ on us, I say, nothun’…

When they read the verdict, our shit-eating grins remained on our faces for several seconds longer than they should have (in the same way that a cartoon character doesn’t fall from any great height until, said, cartoon character actually looks down).

Both of us were found guilty and banned from that dormitory for life—for life!  Shagg can probably tell you what happened next better than I, because I really lost it.  I was carrying on and shouting, and was channeling Blutarsky, or Bukowski, or certainly some obnoxious person of Polish persuasion (acronym joke omitted for space reasons).  And at the height of my legalese rant, I actually backhanded a huge stack of papers resting on a finely polished table in the middle of the room.  Truth be told, I had no idea of the scene that would unfold as dozens of these pages flew all over the room and drifted around Shagg and I as we stormed out of the chamber—all the while saying things like, “This is a sham of a travesty of justice!”   I really said that, or something darn similar.  It was quite a scene. 

How does this relate to Ken Wilber’s Boomeritis theory?  Wilber equates collegiate justice as mired in a kind of uber-liberal, thought police—a group that needs to identify a victim to have their green meme witch hunts.  At the end of the day, Shagg and I made someone feel uncomfortable.  We did this all the time, truth be told.  A young lady, who should have enjoyed the circus we created as the comedy for which it was intended (both in the court and in the dorm) instead played the victim.  As a result of our harmless antics, we were cast out like vagabonds (vagabonds that we wouldn’t become until post-college).  But the shadow side of the green meme always needs a victim and, if they don’t have one, it becomes necessary for them to create one. Ken Wilber sites a book by Kors and Silvergate The Shadow University: The Betrayal of Liberty on America’s Campuses as the definitive work on the topic, http://www.shadowuniv.com.  I think this post is important for mankind.  And, more importantly, now you don’t have to read that long book.

Funny, I said the same exact thing about methamphetamine.  This will be my last rant against Fox News and George W. Bush.  You don’t believe me?  Would I ever woefully mislead my fateful readership?  I’m not the Ghetto Shaman, for Pete’s sake.

I will ask this again…and again I won’t get an answer.  Besides pro-Mr. Burnses, short-term economic gains, what exactly have the Republicans both stood for and accomplished in the last few decades?  As I have said, ad nauseum, there is validity to aspects of their wish list.  They just seem the least likely people to accomplish any of them—at least historically speaking.

Why are people like BP CEOs, Mr. Burns over in Springfield, and the Foxeteers all on the same side of most issues?  Coincidence, or propaganda?  The last four Republican presidents increased the deficit 3x times more than the last four dems?  I know, I know, facts suck.  Funny, each of those “fiscally conservative” dudes went with that cutting taxes thing as the only plan.  For the last 8 presidents, we had to minus Obama, of course (because he came into power post-capitalism amidst a freefall).

It’s quite delusional to think that cutting spending alone is the only way to get out of gazillions in deficits.  England is an experiment starting right now.  They are doing it by cutting spending 80% and by raising taxes 20%.  Of course these days, U.S. Republicans would say cutting spending 100% is the way to go, because when you have Jesus, who needs math?  I kid the fundamentalists.  

We need to raise taxes 40 and cut spending 60, or some such, which drives the yes/no bunch crazy, but they’re already crazy.  Dems are against cuts and Republicans are against raising taxes. When you ask a Tea Partier what they would cut, they don’t know, because what they really want is all their current services without the taxes, which is even more delusional than the raise-taxes Dems. Another case of dumb and dumber. 

Also, my last post was actually about the media, Crank.  I never said this Black Panther thing is a non-scandal.  In fact, I made a point to say, “I really don’t have a clue what’s going on for this Black Panther scandal.” Of course, neither do you—you just don’t know it. But, Fox is never having to read the content.  This was the point: if this Black Panther thing is a scandal, since the media and the rule of law have tanked, good luck proving it.  I also said, with their current track record, Fox is likely to be proven wrong.  It’s another math thing.  We can’t call for the unplugging of Fox News, because there’s that pesky first amendment.  And surely there is a desperate need for a viable conservative news source.  Hey, let’s just shift Fox News over to Comedy Central!  Then it will be in the right category, and Jon Stewart can go over to where Fox is now.  A recent poll finds him more credible anyway.

But isn’t there any room in the mainstream media world for an intelligent version of republicana?  After all, it would shut me up (just think about that…).  Are they pandering to their bat shit base?  Mostly, Fox does what it does because it’s mind numblingly lucrative.  What’s striking is that Fox News is actually making fun of their audience, but the audience is the only bunch not in on the joke.  

And, yes, call me another lib nut but lying us into war is worse than supporting or not supporting a community organization gone awry (ACORN), and, YES, the politicization and destruction of the Justice Dept under Bush trumps some asshole having a misdemeanor dropped back in 2008 (under mysterious circumstances).  That’s all we really know right now about the Black Panther scandal to date. The only thing that really gets going during a Crank rant is the facts.   

Nowhere in my posts have I called the Tea Party racists, Mr. Crank.  Some racists reside within that group, of course, because of Spiral Dynamics.  Rep. Boehner (OH) actually had a great quote about this recently and I give him rare kudos for it. On the Dem side, Al-Qaeda and other tribal consciousness types are attracted to the Democratic Party.  Short version, Keith Olbermann can call the Tea Party ‘racist’ and Fox News can call liberals ‘terrorists’ with a hint of truth in each.  When you split a country into two main camps, all the levels of consciousness are divvied up rather poorly, which is why Ken Wilber and yours truly have advocated for more parties to be represented (examples: fundamental, entrepreneurial/scientific, progressive, and transcosmetic parties, etc.) It’s a developmental psych thing.  But is Fox too quick to jump in on the racial push back stories?

Someone on Fox said, “The big winner this week was Bill O’Rielly, who admitted he was wrong.”

No really, someone said that.  I’ll give you one hint which fair and balanced news network said it…

“There have been three big conservative outrages that have choked the airwaves over the past couple of weeks. #1 was about a bunch of scary black men, the New Black Panther Party. #2 was about a bunch of scary Muslims who want to build a triumphal mosque on the sacred soil of Ground Zero. #3 was about a vindictive black woman who works for the government and screws the white people she deals with. The running theme here is not just a coincidence.”

—Kevin Drum (blogger and columnist)

Oh goodness, one of these trumped up scandals hasn’t been debunked yet!  Ahhhhhhh!  The beauty of the Foxeteers is this: by the time the story is debunked, the ADD generation have already shifted this shell game to something else anyway.  It’s like that Zone episode, or was it an Outer Limits, where those people just keep building the sets of reality ahead of the main character.  The other two recent scandals are pretty much bullshit, or certainly not interesting: the Mosque is three blocks away from Ground Zero (that’s pretty damn far in Manhattan) and has actually been there in one form or another for decades, and we all know how the Sherrod thing ended.  Two reverse racist scandals down, one to go.  But that third one is an outrage!  Until that one goes tits-up as well, of course.  

So, let me get this straight, Mr. Crank, if this one Black Panther doesn’t feel the full weight of the law, all is apparently lost for Americana?  I know a Discordian who got two misdemeanors dropped this week and the world hasn’t fallen off its axis. Proven Republican scandals that will directly contribute to our collective demise = no biggie.  Mights, coulds, and maybes on the Dems side = an outrage, I say, an outrage.

You gotta love Hannity’s America.  No, you really do.  They’ll be back in power soon and they’re watching.  It’s amazing how the fighting 40% will go off half-cocked at any moment on the flimsiest of stories, but will ignore much more factual and impactual scandals.  Impactual is a word—one that even Sarah Palin would not refudiate.  

We currently have the vast majority of scientists in the world in agreement about global warming, but where else could you find nearly half a modern civilization unaware of this fact?  Or, more accurately, ignoring it entirely in the hopes it will not impact cheap energy and the American dream.  Sorry, Sean, the American dream is dead anyway, but why are you so insistent on taking the Earth with it?   As long as there’s one scientist left who will back your bullshit, let’s just roll those biosphereic dice one more time.

Conservative blogger Dennis Sanders asked on 7/26/10, why are moderates ditching the conservatives?

“The impulse here in the States among those on the right who are dissatisfied with the state of things, is to simply walk away. Whether its Brink Lindsey now touting a “libertarian centrism” or Tim Lee flirting with the left, the usual result of frustrated folks on the right is not to change things, but to leave and look for greener pastures. Why is that? Why is there no impulse to change the right?”

Doesn’t that bozo read Zano?

Oh, and let’s not forget David Frum in The Week 7/21 (conservative and former Bush speechwriter)

“When people talk of the ‘closing of the conservative mind’ this is what they mean: not that conservatives are more narrow-minded than other people — everybody can be narrow minded — but that conservatives have a unique capacity to ignore unwelcome facts.”

This inability to have any contact with the complete picture, as it relates to Earth and its inhabitants, makes 40% of our country dangerously goofy.  I’m not saying we should have a psychological assessment of some sort outside of every polling station.  That would be a terribly unconstitutional thing to do, but I’ve created one just in case.  It’s scratch and sniff, has proven measurable outcomes, and monkeys can be deployed to help administer the test.  Come on, it will be fun and informative. We can give the monkeys batons, which will piss off the right on so many levels.  

Bottom line, when a former Bush speech writer and a crazy-lib-Discordian such as myself are on the same page, you might want to at least climb into the same book.

OK, just one more time, I promise:

“It’s one other legacy [the deficit] of the Bush-Cheney years: by both bankrupting the country and grinding the US military into the barren dust of Iraq and Afghanistan, those two fools did more to weaken America internationally than any administration in modern times.”

—Andrew Sullivan The Daily Dish 7/23/10

That just slipped, I couldn’t help it.  OK, OK.   Deep breath….wait.  I can do this.

“Bush and Cheney defiantly should have definitely been indicted (For actions at Guantanamo Bay).”

—Andrew Napolitano (Fox New contributors 7/12/10)

OK, I need help.  I’ll admit it.  They say I got to go to blog-hab, but I said, “no, no, no.” But, look, most of these quotes are from this week and all of them are from conservatives!  Granted, respectable ones.  As more of the truth comes out, anger will only increase toward the architects of our downfall.   The nail on the chalk board you are hearing Crank is A.) pulling that lever for Bush (twice) and B.) the high likelihood you’ll pull that lever again for someone equally as destructive next time. Of course, you feel Obama is the main culprit. You’ve been programmed to feel that way. He is ranked somewhere in the middle, presidency-wise, while Dr. Two-terms is about last.  This won’t change much; they both may slip a little, but luckily for Bush, he can’t slip far.

The sound on the chalkboard that I am hearing is not pre-conventional and conventional thinking—those are inevitable in 2010.  The problem is those levels done badly.  As, I have said before, we need to pack the best and leave the rest.  There’s very little salvageable over at Fox News.  Oh, and Shep, if you’re listening, get out of the building when no one is looking.  I’ll have a car waiting in the alley.

Furthermore, I have always said things like the Constitution, The Bill of Rights, and the Justice Department, once bypassed, marginalized, or destroyed aren’t coming back.  This is where even Glenn Beck has a point.  These things died some time ago.  And you can try to revise history all you want, Foxeteers, but these things died on your watch…or, more accurately, when you were watching the swift boaters or some other shiny bouncing ball over on Fox News.

Deep breath…OK.  No more.  Never again…

Oh, Oh, wait! We just found out that Dick Cheney was totally responsible for…

This is CEO Pierce Winslow with a public service announcement: 

Mr. Zano’s Bush bashing continued for, uhh…I really don’t know how long, exactly, but I refused to increase the monthly bandwidth of this site to accommodate his ramblings.  The man has problems, and we should support him in this.  Though, I agree with the Crank that Mr. Zano should take a long break from politics, preferably indefinitely, I am refraining from out-and-out firing him, because each time I do he tends to submit even more material.  If anyone has any suggestions, please email us through our Contact Us Page.  And please don’t Ask the Ghetto Shaman.  He supports Zano, but only because he buys him beer.

Have you heard the Black Panther voter intimidation scandal yet?  The Justice Department’s actions are shocking!  It seems they are especially shocking for Republicans who helped dismantle the Justice Department, brick by brick, in the first place.  None of you were outraged to find Bush had replaced 150 positions in the government—including several  key jobs in the Justice Dept from some Pat Robertson 4^th tier regent college—but you’re mad about this shit?  Are you kidding me? Have you ever seen the 700 Club?  I would bow to the zombie god of Karl Marx before I would ever watch an episode of that shit. 

And where exactly was your outrage under the steadfast leadership of Alberto (on good days I can spell my own name) Gonzales?   Oh, that’s right.  You are only outraged by mostly fictional events as choreographed by Fox News.  When things are actually happening you’re asleep at the switch.  Well, at least you’re consistent.  You see, I’m always trying to put things into perspective for the terminally wrong.   Sadly, perspective is something I’m convinced a certain forty-percent of our country will never have.  I’m only saying this because every place I go in AZ people repeat the nonsense espoused on Fox News as if it were the gospel.

I really don’t have a clue what’s going on for this Black Panther scandal.  That’s usually the case.  This scandal may be real or it may be Memorex (wow, I’m showing my age). Let’s say there really is something besides hot air to this voter intimidation story. The Crank has a very compelling argument for why this is a grand conspiracy (totally verbal, not in post form yet, and NO, that wasn’t a real interview with the Zanpire in that last post. Geesh.  Give me some credit). 

Fox News usually does have a compelling argument, until you research it.  Obviously something stupid was happening at a certain PA polling station in 2008 by a person I have concluded is, in fact, an asshole.  Is the Justice Dept ignoring something due to lack of interest?  Or is this some deep-seeded reverse racist tale of woe and deceit?  Well, Fox has been crying wolf for so long now, I don’t know what to think. Most of their outrage is tailored to their less than stellar audience and their facts are usually trumped-up or bald faced lies.  So how are any of us to know anything these days?  AKA, when some real presidency-ending  scandal emerges (PESE), who’s going to believe it? The “lame stream media” really isn’t covering the negative Obama stories with near as much vigor as Fox News, and Fox is 50% bullshit.  So, with a Dem in power, we are totally relying on morons for our news (which apparently only bothers me). 

We may actually be on the same side on this scandal, but I’m just not that interested in the developmentally disabled version.  Their reporting sucks and their conclusions are generally wrong.  This has been my clarion call all along.  It’s precisely why Republicans need to clean their own house first.  I started getting on Keith Olbermann day three of the Obama administration.  I would get on him more if reality started resonating with the other side.  But why try to fix the sink when the kitchen is on fire? Thus far attacking the Dems (dumb) will only net us Republican representatives (dumber).  You’re not exactly incentivizing me here.

For some historical context, the Justice Dept was bought and sold under Bush.  It was completely politicized and damaged beyond recognition to the point where even John Ashcroft thought they were nuts (Hint: he was about as stable at the Wyrd Sisters on Crystal Meth).   So is it possible that Obama bent this already defunct department to do his own bidding?  Sure, but please let someone with credibility cover the story.

How did we reach this terrible journalistic morass?  Here’s the recap kids: Walter Cronkite was a great journalist way back when.   And then Dan Rather and his ilk really started wearing their philosophy on their shirt sleeve, which inadvertently opened the doors for Fox News to come in and save us from reason. They tried to balance the “so called” liberal media with 24 news cycles of completely skewed nonsense.  I say, “so called,” because back then they actually covered the news (aka, it was hard to tell they were liberal). 

Fox sank the media to a level not ever seen before (not since 1930s Germany anyway).  In the last few years, MSNBC is sinking to Fox’s level. They feel justified in this descent as they are trying to be a counterweight to Fox’s rightwingedness (that’s a real word Microsoft word grammar check people).  MSNBC hasn’t reached Fox’s level, not by any stretch, but they do tend to ignore stories that don’t jive with their ideology.  End result, we have slipped into a media abyss.  Now Jon Stewart is the most trusted name in news.  Doesn’t that say something?   Everyone has chosen sides, so no one is fact checking things anymore and, as I have said a thousand times, if the only one “looking out for you” is Bill O’Reilly, jump off a bridge already.  Who’s the unbiased authority in the media nowadays?  Except Mick Zano, of course, truly a god among men.

You don’t have to look any further than the Daily Discord to see what’s happening.  Someone has to balance the Pernicks and the Cranks of the world, so I find myself covering the same stomping ground with the not-so-dynamic duo.  So I now fell victim to one of the world’s greatest blunders (what movie?). 

It was AWESOME to see Art Fenski’s recent post Breaking with the tea party and all things Lipton.   Here’s a guy who decided I will only reach a certain level of libertarianism and refused to take that last step toward the bonkers brigade on the right.  Know hope. 

Back to the, er…scandal.  Not sure what this scandal is exactly.  It may be something huge, and it may be more bullshit.  In the immortal words of that Tootsie Pop owl, “the world may never know.” (man, I’m showing my age again). But the last twenty Fox scandals didn’t amount to much.  Actually Bush scandals tend to get worse over time and the right’s scandals, as embellished on Fox News, tend to go all Acorn on us.  The investigations that actually matter don’t seem to occur anymore, on both sides, which should bother us all. 

I’m going to put reality into perspective one more time for the Gipper (someday this argument is going to resonate with someone):

1. Bombing wrong country (OK)
2. Overturning the Bill of Rights (whatever)
3. Death squads, torture, and secret prisons (well, that’s for the bad guys)
4. Black asshole at polling station back in 2008 (ahhhhhhhhhhh! AHHHHHHHHHHhhhh!   AHHHHHhhHHhhHhhHhhHHhHh!)

You may be asking, how did you turn another story into a Bush bashing extravaganza, Zano?  Well, it’s an innate talent.  But really, I can’t find the truth anymore and that’s actually been the real story of our time and I seem to be the only one covering it.   You can’t find the truth anywhere.  You can certainly find facts to justify your position, any position.  And the people most sure of the truth these days  are typically the most wrong.  Coincidence?  I don’t think so. 

The problem is, anything that jives with your own ideology, left or right, gets a free pass from the sniff test.  We’ve all lost anything resembling objectivity.  Most of what we see on TV is lies.  Except America’s Home Videos. Many of those clips are real.  Who would willingly get hit in the nuts that hard?  OK, some of those bits are contrived, but it’s a better truth-to-lies ratio than cable news. 

Look at the Acorn scandal: that organization is now closed and I never really cared either way, but remember that undercover videotape that took them down?  It seems all of it was complete and utter bullshit.  The video was refuted by Rachel Maddow on MSNBC, point for point, in a well thought out manner.  Now, I am smart enough not to believe everything as seen on MSNBC and I’m also smart enough not to believe about anything on Fox News.  So how are we supposed to have a revolution with no facts? Most of you should be picking up your guns, but not many of you have figured out why, exactly.  That’s a tad problematic.  The Tea Party should consider this before their next Facebook meeting.  Of course, they won’t because they’ve already made up their mind.   That’s not a typo…”their mind” is one with a certain cable news network.  It’s like a retarded Borg or something. 

So I was drinking Tequila yesterday, listening to Greenday, and watching waaaay too much Fox News, or as I call it “the weekday special” …maybe I should drink waaaay too much Tequila and avoid cable news all together. 

Post swallowing the worm (PSW), I decided against all reason to listen to Laura Ingraham and Newt Gingrich further distort reality over on Fox News—it’s better than ‘shrooms, man.  Watch them until you see the unicorn start flying.  That’s what I do.   Do you really think they have any answers for our future?  Newt is one of the smartest neocons out there and, boy, is he out there.  Responsible fiscal conservatism?  Well, they’ve never pulled that off yet, but this time things are going to be different, Honey. I promise.  If you equate the political process to domestic violence, it’s going to take seven more times before you morons leave them.  This is the average amount of times it takes a battered wife to permanently leave an abusive husband.  I sincerely hope that if I punch you all in the blogosphere enough, we can cut that number down to five.  So, five more elected Republicans…let’s just say, five more presidents, D or R, because it won’t make much of a difference at this point.  That’s still twenty-years of bad presidentin’ before people wake up.  I say twenty-years because I don’t see how anyone will be re-elected for a second term as we slip into the abyss.  But I’ve been wrong before…well, once.  I thought, for sure, Sanjaya would win American Idol. 

Fox has worked long and hard to reign-in independent thought, with considerable success.   Here’s a quote from the website Reality Sandwich that sums up my position nicely:

“This may even explain the attempt from 2001 through 2006 to turn the US into a surveillance state with a drastically weakened Bill of Rights. It was never about "terrorists" — it was about an unruly American public facing an end to their way of life in the coming years. Cheney, in particular, never hesitated to express his belief that democracy was too weak to stand in the modern world — by which I believe he meant a world without cheap oil. That also explains why the exiting Cheney warned the incoming Obama that the new president would thank him in the years to come for all of the power he and Bush had concentrated in the executive branch”

–Themon the Bard (no relation to Mott the Hoople)

I posted something like: “If you didn’t get the hint when Jimmy Carter pointed out that it’s time to get off foreign oil (yada, yada).”   But this week, Jon Stewart reminded us that it’s actually been since Nixon.  Eight presidents have said we must get off of foreign oil and they have all failed miserably.  Are they all working for Mr. Burns?  Why is Cap and Trade or a gas tax so terrible?  Because it will hurt Mr. Burns and it will hurt all of us during the interim.  But now that we are going down anyway, why not take alternative fuels seriously?  If this was a viable economy, you would have some argument to keep ripping Mother Nature a new one.  I mean, moving from the McMansion to the apartment, that sucked…but from the efficiency to the tent?  Hell, I call that camping.  Let’s go camping America!  You’re going camping either way, you might as well start accruing some good karma.  So why not make the tough choices so we survive as a country?   Damn you Sanjaya!  Oh, that’s right, because you can’t think for yourselves anymore.  Mr. Burns tells you what to think and, lo and behold, it jives with his agenda.  When all of our bank accounts are bare, it will be too late…you know, next week.

Besides, do you really think something different is going to happen after President Boehner’s inauguration (sorry, that was done for the shock value).   I have done whole articles on Fox’s group-think, but now Fox is saying liberals are the ones suffering from group-think.  (This was sparked by a rogue Beatle who recently dissed Bush.)  Fox had a very nice show this week wherein everyone kept repeating how liberals and Hollywood types suffer from group-think. It was called The Liberals and Hollywood Types Suffer from Group-Think segment.  While they kept repeating this phrase, a ticker display ran across the bottom saying, coincidentally, that liberals and Hollywood types suffer from group-think.  

I’ll bet ninety percent of the Foxeteers just happen to believe this now.  Imagine that…  Not that this is important, but they believe this wildly eclectic group of entertainers are the carbon copy of one another.  Of course, they really do all happen to agree with Fox each and every time, but that’s just a strange coincidence.

Frankly, put a microphone in front of anyone who is still angry about America’s demise, and they may not praise Incurious George too horribly much.  Imagine that…   Certainly many Hollywood types may be ill-informed but they happened to have nailed this one.   Sure MSNBC is tanking, but it’s not group-think.  Every morning Dylan Ratigan is railing against all government as if it has already collapsed (smart man), Rachel Maddow is trashing Obama for not being liberal enough, and approval ratings all over America are dropping (both D and R) faster than a Value Jet in a cloud burst.  Do you know how long it took Bush’s approval ratings to drop?  We were no longer a viable superpower when he left office and there still was—and still is—very little understanding about his part.  Today on Fox (7/2) Steve Forbes repeated, “It wasn’t Bush’s fault!” to the dismay of sentient creatures everywhere.  Pernick and the Crank blame the Freddie and Fannie 12% as the entire deficit picture, because that’s how they’ve been programmed. 

And, let me get this straight.  Generals of the U.S. armed services were OK with holding their tongues during the reign of George “bomb the wrong country” Bush, yet they freak out entirely when faced with some nuance?  Oh, that’s right, you all feel great when there’s a perception that someone believes what he is saying and that the cause is just.  You’re waiting for a Republican to swagger back into the White House so the ticker thingie along the bottom of your favorite cable news show reads, “You’re safe, we’re killing all the bad guys, our deficits don’t matter again.”  So you can go back to sleep and vote in the next retard.  Not the ‘Family Guy’ retard because that’s politically incorrect, but the more acceptable ‘Rush Limbaugh referring to a liberal’ retard.  You see, I don’t want to offend a certain Alaskan Governor retard (not the ‘Family Guy’ type retard).

I think this final piece actually sums up the fighting Foxeteers nicely: last week, some Indian swami was found to be fasting for some ungoldly amount of time.  He was under observation in a hospital for four days (with no food or drink) and he says he hadn’t eaten for years and he’s still happy, fit, and healthy.   The Foxeteers who covered the story, only talked about the military implications.  Not one mention—in the entire article—of something like, “Hey, maybe this guy has a deeper more meaningful understanding of the Universe.”  The article focused on, how can we exploit this technique, learn the secret, and then use it to kill more towel heads?  It’s really mental.  I can save them the trouble; it’s not going to work.  Once military personnel mediate as much as Swami Sam, getting them to kill is going to become increasingly difficult.  They will also shut off Fox News, which means…er, I really need to start meditating more.

Alex Bone’s new novel The Chronicles of Jack Primus will change your life!  It was powerful watching Bone’s main character Jack Primus grow from the kind of guy who would bash villains in the face with a steel pipe, to the kind of guy who would bash villains in the face with a six-pack of beer.  Talk about character development!

Alex Bone is HOT, and I’m not just talking about his stunning good looks.  This year was a breakout year for Mr. Bone, who also writes under the name Michael D. Griffiths, because the police are far too familiar with his alias. He’s published in several anthologies this year including, Big Book of Horror, End of Days, and The Book of Cannibals.  These are available at Amazon and Living Dead Press.  He just got book one of The Chronicles of Jack Primus published in 2010, but there is already interest in the second book in the series, and—if that weren’t enough—another publisher out of Boston is interested in his new Skinjumper series.  Perhaps, even more impressive, he is also a regular contributor for our beloved Daily Discord.  When I had the opportunity to sit down with Mr. Bone over a pint of ale last week, I asked, “With all of your recent success, why don’t you ever buy me a fucking beer?”  He bashed me in the face with a mug. 

There’s more than just a little Jack Primus in Mr. Bone.  Alex is a horror nut, who throws more zombies into his work than Rob Zombie on angel dust.   I met Mr. Bone about a year ago and, after only knowing him a few weeks, he got his hair cut (keep in mind he’s 7 feet tall and had very long hair).  Barely knowing him, I said, “Why did you cut all your hair off?  I always thought of you as more of a Viking type.”  Not knowing how he would react—would he be offended, cry, or bash me in the face with something again?  Instead, he said, “That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”  Sad, but true…the story, as well as the fact that no one says nice things to him.

The Chronicles of Jack Primus rocks!  Although, I did try to talk Mr. Bone into calling it, Zombie and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, but he never listens to me (maybe it’s because the book doesn’t actually have any zombies in it).  The book opens in a psych ward, where Mr. Primus is a tech on the unit—a unit where something is definitely amiss. Very quickly, the protagonist is thrown into a dark world of the Xemmoni, a supernatural race of Lovecraftian aliens.  For those of you who don’t know what a protagonist is, I think it’s someone who doesn’t believe in zombies.  Surviving encounter after encounter, Jack learns that he is a Stalwart with powers of his own—powers from a certain deity that make him more difficult to kill than your average Joe.  These powers also give him the ability to sense these invaders.  Unfortunately, his enemies also share these powers.  Jack is just a babe in the woods, desperately outmatched and bent on finding out more about his new powers and this brave new world in which he finds himself.

Jack Primus soon embarks on a wild ride East across the country.  At first, Jack just wants to stay alive, but as he learns more and more about himself and his new found powers, he becomes a man on a mission.  He becomes determined to hit every brewpub en-route.  Oh wait, that was my cross-country mission.  Primus becomes bent on ridding the planet of these foul creatures lurking at the threshold.  And, they lurk in pubs too!  Which is even more disturbing to me, personally.  Jack Primus’s travels culminate in Boston.  Amidst the winding streets of Beantown, Jack stumbles into a bar called Grendel’s Den (oh, and for those of you who know me; yes, I’ve been there).  There, below street level in a cool bar off of Harvard Square, we find out more about Stalwarts, The Xemmoni, and the half-priced drink specials, weekdays from three to five.

I thoroughly enjoyed Book 1 of The Chronicles of Jack Primus, and if you’re only going to buy one book this year, make it Frankenhooker.  But, if you’re going to buy a second book this year, make it The Chronicles of Jack Primus.

Once again, you can find the book at Amazon, Hastings in Flagstaff, AZ, and Living Dead Press, or wherever all good horror books are sold…or, in our case, even bartered for ale.

You keep doing it.  All of you!  Rick, your post is great—no argument (well, a little argument).  It clarifies the Dems stupidity. I have mentioned the role of Clinton’s de-regulations in my own posts (as well as Dodd and Frank’s culpability on Fannie and Freddie). It certainly factored into my original estimates.  But, as usual, you are focusing on one turd in the corner, while you continually fail to see the massive pile of excrement right in front of you.  No, not the Daily Discord (geesh, everyone’s a critic).

The above budget deficit numbers show how waging two wars instead of one, with a side order of tax breaks for all, was actually the largest contributors to our debt.  Although, in Bush’s defense, he was responding to a Halliburton 2-for-1 deal.  But wait, if you start arbitrarily bombing the shit out of someone else by the end of this commercial, you’ll also get these faulty electrical systems.

Everyone at Fox continues to believe all we need is another war (Iran), and some more tax cuts (for the rich).  Again, I have been saying dumb and dumber all along.  I have always called the Dem contribution dumb, hardily a ringing endorsement, but you guys just always manage to lock in that dumber position, as if not to be outdone.

Not to sound anything like Senator Craig, but, “I am not, nor have I ever been a Democrat.”

Well, once, but I don’t like to talk about it.  Let’s blame the Dems for the entire 20% of the deficit that constitutes Fannie and Freddie (it’s not true, of course, but a chunk is certainly theirs).  But let’s assume you’re completely right—with no actual investigation—just the ‘he said, she said’ stuff.  What about the other 80% of our deficit?  Slipped your mind, eh?  It slipped Fox’s mind, that’s for sure.  Sometimes a 24/7 news cycle isn’t enough.  I never said that doubling down on Bush’s deficit was a good idea, so the right is right about something.  It happens, Forrest.

Everyone should have to read your article, Rick.  It’s a great review of Fannie and Freddie, as far as we can decipher it.  I want a full investigation too, but our government is far too corrupt for that. Don’t any of you get it yet?  Your candidate, D or R, is not going to help at this point, and if the only possible third party force we can muster now is actually vying for position of dumbest…well, if the fat lady isn’t singing, she’s certainly clearing her throat.

[Exhibit A: The BP oil spill]

Democrats:  It’s Bush’s fault (dumb: well, some validity)

Republicans: It’s Obama’s fault (dumber: well, some validity)

Tea Party: It’s the environmentalist’s fault (dumbest: no validity)

(You’ll find this equation works on most issues.)

There was a time when you were entitled to your own opinion, but not your own facts.  Those days are gone.  The media and politicians only push, and/or make up, their own numbers.  Funny how it always seems to jive with their ideology. And, if you prove something wrong over on MSNBC, as shitty as they are, they still make retractions.  Fox just makes a justification special on their faulty data.  I have been more astounded by the Foxeteer’s oblivion, because we’ve had eight years to contemplate Bush’s presidency and the learning curve is like BP on Quaaludes.  The best part of W. dribbled down his father’s oil rig.  And if there was no Barney Frank, it would be necessary for Fox to invent him.  And someone at the Weekly Standard would have written a great article on how [imaginary figure 1] destroyed America (and just when Bush was going to let free markets reign and send us all to friggin Disney Land).

The Republican-supporting Tea Party movement is a reaction to fiscal conservatism gone horribly wrong.  So they will swing this pendulum way too far to the right in a reaction against their own voting records.  They will cut everything from every state budget and wonder why it didn’t work (unless you are a mortician).  Every politician in AZ is running right now on “cutting all spending across the board.”  In other words, destroying our infrastructure, our way of life, and bringing us to a Bangladesh level of services (BLS).  BLS, we’re not the ones who make the Prozac, we’re the ones who will deny it for the severely mentally ill in the name of tax breaks. 

Yes, they will need their guns.  We are currently sentencing many to die, with or without Arizona’s Prop 100.

A few years from now they will begin to understand the implications of their, ahum “decisions.”  I get the fact that we’re broke, but when schools, hospitals, and social service programs collapse, then they will realize the woes of rebuilding them from scratch on the tax payer’s dime.  That’ll save money, fer sure.  They will also see how such a collapse is not good for the local economies.  Lose, lose…or, as I call it, The Fox News All Stars. 

I am mad at Obama for very different reasons than the Foxeteers. He hasn’t restored the rule of law.  This doesn’t bother you, because freedom’s just another word for, well, Fox tells you what freedom is or isn’t and you shouldn’t disagree with them. Funny how their version of freedom tends to coincide with their stock options.  Remember, Fox still always has one nice thing to say about Bush: the Bush tax cuts worked.  So look at the chart again.  Now, stare at it until you can see the sail boat.