The Subliminal Mind Fuck America

Mick Zano

So I was drinking Tequila yesterday, listening to Greenday, and watching waaaay too much Fox News, or as I call it “the weekday special” …maybe I should drink waaaay too much Tequila and avoid cable news all together. 

Post swallowing the worm (PSW), I decided against all reason to listen to Laura Ingraham and Newt Gingrich further distort reality over on Fox News—it’s better than ‘shrooms, man.  Watch them until you see the unicorn start flying.  That’s what I do.   Do you really think they have any answers for our future?  Newt is one of the smartest neocons out there and, boy, is he out there.  Responsible fiscal conservatism?  Well, they’ve never pulled that off yet, but this time things are going to be different, Honey. I promise.  If you equate the political process to domestic violence, it’s going to take seven more times before you morons leave them.  This is the average amount of times it takes a battered wife to permanently leave an abusive husband.  I sincerely hope that if I punch you all in the blogosphere enough, we can cut that number down to five.  So, five more elected Republicans…let’s just say, five more presidents, D or R, because it won’t make much of a difference at this point.  That’s still twenty-years of bad presidentin’ before people wake up.  I say twenty-years because I don’t see how anyone will be re-elected for a second term as we slip into the abyss.  But I’ve been wrong before…well, once.  I thought, for sure, Sanjaya would win American Idol. 

Fox has worked long and hard to reign-in independent thought, with considerable success.   Here’s a quote from the website Reality Sandwich that sums up my position nicely:

This may even explain the attempt from 2001 through 2006 to turn the US into a surveillance state with a drastically weakened Bill of Rights. It was never about "terrorists" — it was about an unruly American public facing an end to their way of life in the coming years. Cheney, in particular, never hesitated to express his belief that democracy was too weak to stand in the modern world — by which I believe he meant a world without cheap oil. That also explains why the exiting Cheney warned the incoming Obama that the new president would thank him in the years to come for all of the power he and Bush had concentrated in the executive branch

–Themon the Bard (no relation to Mott the Hoople)

I posted something like: “If you didn’t get the hint when Jimmy Carter pointed out that it’s time to get off foreign oil (yada, yada).”   But this week, Jon Stewart reminded us that it’s actually been since Nixon.  Eight presidents have said we must get off of foreign oil and they have all failed miserably.  Are they all working for Mr. Burns?  Why is Cap and Trade or a gas tax so terrible?  Because it will hurt Mr. Burns and it will hurt all of us during the interim.  But now that we are going down anyway, why not take alternative fuels seriously?  If this was a viable economy, you would have some argument to keep ripping Mother Nature a new one.  I mean, moving from the McMansion to the apartment, that sucked…but from the efficiency to the tent?  Hell, I call that camping.  Let’s go camping America!  You’re going camping either way, you might as well start accruing some good karma.  So why not make the tough choices so we survive as a country?   Damn you Sanjaya!  Oh, that’s right, because you can’t think for yourselves anymore.  Mr. Burns tells you what to think and, lo and behold, it jives with his agenda.  When all of our bank accounts are bare, it will be too late…you know, next week.

Besides, do you really think something different is going to happen after President Boehner’s inauguration (sorry, that was done for the shock value).   I have done whole articles on Fox’s group-think, but now Fox is saying liberals are the ones suffering from group-think.  (This was sparked by a rogue Beatle who recently dissed Bush.)  Fox had a very nice show this week wherein everyone kept repeating how liberals and Hollywood types suffer from group-think. It was called The Liberals and Hollywood Types Suffer from Group-Think segment.  While they kept repeating this phrase, a ticker display ran across the bottom saying, coincidentally, that liberals and Hollywood types suffer from group-think.  

I’ll bet ninety percent of the Foxeteers just happen to believe this now.  Imagine that…  Not that this is important, but they believe this wildly eclectic group of entertainers are the carbon copy of one another.  Of course, they really do all happen to agree with Fox each and every time, but that’s just a strange coincidence.

Frankly, put a microphone in front of anyone who is still angry about America’s demise, and they may not praise Incurious George too horribly much.  Imagine that…   Certainly many Hollywood types may be ill-informed but they happened to have nailed this one.   Sure MSNBC is tanking, but it’s not group-think.  Every morning Dylan Ratigan is railing against all government as if it has already collapsed (smart man), Rachel Maddow is trashing Obama for not being liberal enough, and approval ratings all over America are dropping (both D and R) faster than a Value Jet in a cloud burst.  Do you know how long it took Bush’s approval ratings to drop?  We were no longer a viable superpower when he left office and there still was—and still is—very little understanding about his part.  Today on Fox (7/2) Steve Forbes repeated, “It wasn’t Bush’s fault!” to the dismay of sentient creatures everywhere.  Pernick and the Crank blame the Freddie and Fannie 12% as the entire deficit picture, because that’s how they’ve been programmed. 

And, let me get this straight.  Generals of the U.S. armed services were OK with holding their tongues during the reign of George “bomb the wrong country” Bush, yet they freak out entirely when faced with some nuance?  Oh, that’s right, you all feel great when there’s a perception that someone believes what he is saying and that the cause is just.  You’re waiting for a Republican to swagger back into the White House so the ticker thingie along the bottom of your favorite cable news show reads, “You’re safe, we’re killing all the bad guys, our deficits don’t matter again.”  So you can go back to sleep and vote in the next retard.  Not the ‘Family Guy’ retard because that’s politically incorrect, but the more acceptable ‘Rush Limbaugh referring to a liberal’ retard.  You see, I don’t want to offend a certain Alaskan Governor retard (not the ‘Family Guy’ type retard).

I think this final piece actually sums up the fighting Foxeteers nicely: last week, some Indian swami was found to be fasting for some ungoldly amount of time.  He was under observation in a hospital for four days (with no food or drink) and he says he hadn’t eaten for years and he’s still happy, fit, and healthy.   The Foxeteers who covered the story, only talked about the military implications.  Not one mention—in the entire article—of something like, “Hey, maybe this guy has a deeper more meaningful understanding of the Universe.”  The article focused on, how can we exploit this technique, learn the secret, and then use it to kill more towel heads?  It’s really mental.  I can save them the trouble; it’s not going to work.  Once military personnel mediate as much as Swami Sam, getting them to kill is going to become increasingly difficult.  They will also shut off Fox News, which means…er, I really need to start meditating more.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.