Phoenix, AZ— Have you or a loved one been injured, scarred, or turned into a zombie after purchasing the Ronco Brain Feeder? If so, you may be eligible for a large cash settlement. Waves of complaints are staggering in about the product and Ronco is facing a multitude of grisly lawsuits. Many argue it’s a bad idea to attract zombies in the first place. Granted they’re typically sluggish and poorly coordinated, but it only takes one bite to ruin your whole day
Not only is their Zombie Brain Feeder the issue, the Ronco Pinata has also come under fire this week. “We haven’t had a problem this big since the recall of our Undead Slip and Slaughter,” said CEO of the week, Ben Avery.
“No matter how you play this game there are no winners,” said Stanley Melman of Scottsdale, AZ. “The instructions make it unclear whether the players are the zombies or the children, or both. And I can tell you from experience, you don’t want your children waiting in line with a bunch of other zombies to take a swing at a dead person’s head with a severed arm.”
“I don’t know what these Ronco people were thinking,” said Sarah Comparetti. “I don’t know what my husband was thinking either, but at least he won’t be making that mistake again—seeing as how he’s permanently chained to a tree in the backyard.”