Tag Archive for theresa may

Dessert Choice At Brexit Summit Sparks Outrage

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Brussels, BE—The Brexit summit in Belgium arrived with a hefty side order of sarcasm today. The choice of dessert, a giant banana split, struck a negative chord with at least one member of the accord. Many believe the UK is making a historic blunder by brexiting the EU, so several dignitaries desperately attempted to stifle their laughter as the desserts made their way to the table. “No one is laughing,” said May sternly. “Except, of course, all you people laughing. But let me remind you this is no laughing matter. No really, I’ve been crying myself to sleep for weeks over this. Oh, and the duck was salty!” No duck was served at the event, so many believe this was a very clever pun.

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Prime Minister Of UK Fails To Brexit Pub Properly

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Greenwich, ENG—After an evening of trying to forget President Trump’s visit, the UK’s Prime Minister Theresa May failed to successfully navigate the open door of a popular Greenwich pub. According to witnesses, May walked repeatedly into the wall right next to the door before finally crumpling in a heap in the entranceway. Many are wondering if the incident involved too many pints in short order, or if it signifies a shift in her political position from a ‘soft’ Brexit to a ‘much harder’ Brexit.

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Brexit Wounds? Bad Sign For UK’s EU Departure As Merkel Presents May Container Of KY Jelly

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London—To set the tone at the onset of this month’s negotiations surrounding the details of the UK’s departure from the EU, German Prime Minister Angela Merkel handed UK Prime Minister Theresa May a container of KY Jelly. Merkel then smiled and said, “Here, my dear, you’re going to need this.” As concerns over Brexit details grow, Britain’s economy is set to doing anything butt. The British Government has submitted several alternate Brexit strategies in the hopes of a less harsh buggering, but the EU is insistent that the UK assume the position while the EU repeats the phrase, “Who’s your daddy?” In the end *cough*, Merkel attempted to reassure the slightly queasy Prime Minister, “Oh there, there, don’t fuss. The only sensible solution to a weak pound is a strong pounding.”

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