Greenwich, ENG—After an evening of trying to forget President Trump’s visit, the UK’s Prime Minister Theresa May failed to successfully navigate the open door of a popular Greenwich pub. According to witnesses, May walked repeatedly into the wall right next to the door before finally crumpling in a heap in the entranceway. Many are wondering if the incident involved too many pints in short order, or if it signifies a shift in her political position from a ‘soft’ Brexit to a ‘much harder’ Brexit.
The Prime Minister later admitted she was simply “drinking to forget” and told the press, “I’m being told the Queen is in a similar plight after Trump’s visit and actually threw up into a foot guard’s bearskin hat. There are no pictures of that bit, I’m afraid.” When asked if her performance had anything to do with a shifting approach to Brexit, she said, “Certainly not. Last night was me falling down on my personal time, and Brexit is me falling down on the job. Totally different.”
Scotland Yard has released the statement, “We have not seen one of our leaders this befuggered since Winston Churchill tried to outdrink a young Charles Bukowski over at the Scrotum & Mallet.”
*Correction: we are being told it’s actually Ye Olde Scrotum & Mallet.