Tag Archive for spoof news

Discord Gets Exclusive Photo At Biden/Warren Secret Meeting

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Washington, DC—Elizabeth Warren admitted to the press today that when Vice President Joe Biden asked her to be his running mate, “Shit got a little weird.” Biden is considering Warren as a potential running mate, but he chose to pop the question to her amidst his own raucous Hawaiian-themed nudist pot party.

The released photo, above, has many believing this ticket is already dead on arrival. When Elizabeth Warren was questioned about her fashion faux pa, a hand shaped bra, she said, “Look, I either get a bra with Biden’s hands already fondling me, or I have to contend with the genuine article. I was choosing the lesser of two evils. For the next party I just need to CYA, if you follow.”

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First Truly Bipartisan Action! Flame Retardant Dropped Into Trumps Mouth

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New York, NY—Bipartisanship is currently rampant on Capitol Hill. The 114th Congress is starting to coalesce around some key Donald-related-issues. Republicans are motivated to derail the Trump candidacy and Democrats just want to put an end to the incessant Trump-induced nausea (ITIN). John Cornyn, R-Texas, said, “If we all work together, not only could we kill this abomination of a campaign, but we could end the queasiness associated with Trump’s voice. Look, this job is sickening enough without the gorge-rising antics of The Trumpster. I only want to vomit the way Lord Reagan envisioned, after stripping government funding from those most in need.”

Diverting flame retardant from California onto The Donald’s face is not without its critics. “I want Trump to shut the F-up as much as the next guy,” said Congressman Adam Schiff, D-CA, “but that retardant could have saved homes in the town of Weed, CA, or even saved weed in the town of Homes, CA.”

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Compromise Reached In Boy Scouts/Mormon Church Feud: Gay Scouts Must Have Multiple Spouses

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mormon2Salt Lake City, UT—Since the Boy Scouts of America’s decision to allow openly gay children into their fold, the Mormon Church threatened to outright sever relations. After lengthy negotiations rivaling the State Department’s Iran deal, the two organizations have reached an agreement. Mormons are allowed to enrich uranium for peaceful purposes, provided they allow the international community to inspect their magic underwear. Wait, what?

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Decision 2016: GOP Unite Form Of Clown Car

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possible-2016-republican-presidential-candidates copy The first Republican debates will be held later today in Cleveland. Yes, you heard right, home of the Drew Carey Show and the Cleveland Browndians. Sorry I don’t follow sports, especially in Ohio. The debate will be hosted by Fox News and only the top ten polling candidates are invited to play. I plan to break each winner into a separate feature, but first let’s look at all of these folks and the rhetoric that makes them great…for a comedy site. Some fear that no meaningful discourse can result from having ten people on a debate stage, which is a ridiculous view. It’s a republican debate, people! …when has there ever been any meaningful discourse?

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