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Putin No Longer Russian To Trump’s Defense?
by Mick Zano •
Trump’s Startling DNA Results Leave Out Neanderthal And Sewer Rat
by Mick Zano •
Sessions Sent On Quest To Find Lost Hillary Emails @MountDoom.com
by Mick Zano •
Middle-Jersey—President Trump is caught between a rock and a cave troll regarding the fate of his Attorney General. If he fires Jeff Sessions outright it will trigger a fire swamp. So aides claim the president concocted a quest for him to retrieve Hillary’s missing emails from the Server King. President Trump told the press today, “It was either that or have him investigate who keeps peeing on the Keebler Elf tree, but that’s probably just Bannon. This journey is a better one. It should take him hundreds of beleaguers away. See what I did there?”
Trump Threatens Fictional Russian Spy: “You Better Hope There’s No Pictures From Our ‘Date’, Natasha!”
by Mick Zano •
Tweet Tower—Known Russian spy and moose fraternizer, Natasha, is back in the news again today after the president directed a series of heated tweets at her. Natasha is believed to have ties to both to the Kremlin and all the Trump women. She is known to send Melania cryptic messages that many fear are either orders or quick family meal recipes. In addition, everyone in the Trump cabinet has met with Natasha several times for fifteen minute intervals, cash only. Half of team Trump is denying the meetings ever occurred, the ones who are admitting to such meetings are denying they talked about Russian spanktions.
Happy 4th? The Last Nationalistic Bone In My Body Has Osteoporosis, Which Is Now A Preexisting Condition
by Mick Zano •
Why do liberals hate America? Maybe they just hate the stupid parts, which tend to be Republican in nature. At least North Korea didn’t vote for their own sociopathic man-child. Patriotism isn’t dead, it’s just brain dead. Z-exiting wouldn’t be easy, of course, but part of me wants to pull the old Daltrey and “put out the fire, and don’t look past my shoulder.” How do you outrun WWIII or the next global economic recession? We can’t escape from ourselves. Conservatives will continue to be the next unnecessary war/global recession people. Trumpcare currently has a 17% approval rating, so when is the Republican party itself going to be as unpopular as its deeds? Those will be the dystopic days worth living for. Why am I ready to give up on the greatest democratic experiment in human history? If America was a bar, this would the part when the lights blare on and you’re forced to acknowledge your poor choices. So… I didn’t miss my shoes and, hey, weren’t you on the faces of meth?
Trump Annexes Rival Golf Course!
by Mick Zano •
Miami, FL—President Donald Trump announced his intention to improve business at his Doral Miami golf resort by annexing the nearby Biltmore golf resort at Coral Gables. Donald Trump told the press today, “This is legal, totally legal. As president of the United States I can seize land through the use of executive orders. Obama seized millions of acres, the greedy bastard, and I’m just taking a few hundred acres of a pesky golf course that’s been cutting into my operations. You should stay at my Trump Doral golf resort! It’s amazing and now it will have even less competition. So I will be hiking rates accordingly. Check for it online on Trumpvago. Yeah, I annexed Trivago as well. Hey, I’m the first in virtual annexation. Not bad, eh?”
More Details Emerge From G-7: Did Trump Actually Say “G-7, You Sank My Battleship”?
by Mick Zano •
Discord Accused Of Politicizing Art …Not To Mention Bob
by Mick Zano •
The Bob Ross Foundation requested we add the phrase ‘Happy little Trumpies’, which we will take under advisement.
This Day In Future History: Trump Denies Obstruction Of Justice Claims After Ordering Mueller’s Execution
by Mick Zano •
Tweet Tower—The Trump camp is downplaying the sudden trial and execution of former FBI-Director Robert Mueller, which occurred while the president and his family were dining at his Mar-A-Lago resort yesterday. The president refused to speak on the matter, but he did mention that the meal was wonderful and for dessert they had “the best cheesecake!” Ever since Mueller’s appointment as the special counsel for the investigation into Trump’s alleged collusion with Russia, the president has been ramping up his complaints with the former FBI Director. “He was a douche,” said Trump. “So my lawyers suggested we employ a couple of my old friends from Atlantic City, Mr. Tiny and Mr. Knuckles.”