Airbnb To Begin Renting Space In Trump-Cabinet Empty Suits

Airbnb CEO Brian Chesky told the Discord today that his company is in direct negotiations with the White House. The most successful peer-to-peer home rental company is now trying to partner with government for what they are describing as some prime unoccupied real estate. “When we think Trump appointees, we envision a lot of space,” said Chesky, “so why not start renting this shit out? When someone says empty spaces the first thought is Dr. Ben Carson, well, besides that Floyd song. As the head of the housing authority, renting out Dr. Carson’s empty suit might be a conflict of interest. Then I had that aha moment. Betsy DeVos’ paint suit represents cheap temporary lodging for all kinds of young adults who will no longer be in high school.

Trump was asked to weigh in about the sheer number of empty suits in his cabinet as well as the absence of many key second-tier officials, such as the undersecretary of political affairs. President Trump responded, “My empty suits are in the walk-in closet, not the cabinet, and as for the professional undersecretary of political affairs …look, my affairs are personal, rarely do I have to call in professionals. And I prefer to be over-secretary, if you follow. Bigly over.”

The newly appointed head of the Department of Energy, Rick Perry, is dead set against the idea of such rentals. He held a press conference today and warned reporters, “There are three reasons I’m against folks living in my empty suit: 1. I like my personal space, 2. it would increase my weekly dry cleaning bill considerably, and 3. …uh, I can’t. Oops.

In a back to back protest, Senator Elizabeth Warren attempted to read the complete lyrics to Pink Floyd’s Empty Spaces, but Mitch McConnell interrupted her with the words to In The Flesh and the Senator was shoved up against the wall.

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