Washington, DC—President Obama is standing by his decision to nominate Martha Stewart as Secretary of the Interior. Obama feels despite her criminal record, she would be “the perfect person for this sort of thing.”
Republicans wasted no time condemning the choice at the confirmation hearing. “The President is making light of an important cabinet position. He’s flaunting his power again. He always does something totally ludicrous and then somehow we Republicans always end up looking stupid,” said House Speaker John Boehner before falling down a flight of stairs and onto a cocktail sauce-filled waiter’s cart to the backdrop of canned laughter.
Other questions from Republican Senators ranged from, “Could a southwestern theme work in the Lincoln Bedroom?” to “what are you doing later?”
Republicans are also calling Obama’s nomination of the X-Men’s super-villain, Magneto, to head the Department of Energy “reckless” and “other synonyms for the word reckless.”
Senator Lindsey Graham added, “If Obama wants to nominate super evil people for government posts, they had better at least have been Fox News Contributors at one time. For instance I hear Dick “Dick” Morris is free now.”
Dick Morris was unavailable for bullshit.