Faard, ID – Farmers in rural Idaho announced the discovery of the ultimate all-natural breast implants.
Local spokesperson, Knut Feelcopper, had this to say, “We have grown the perfect breasts, the Shroom Boobs.”
Feelcopper and his minions spent months testing these fungus-based boobies on several intern’s undisclosed locations.
“These breast augmentatas are perfectly safe and are known for their realistic feel and shape,” said Feelcopper. “Many worked late into the night, often to the chagrin of their wives, on these non-toxic nature titties. Such fond mammarys. We call our growing area the ‘field of creams’, because the Shroom Boobs actually lactate and, er, I’d rather not say the other reason.”
Apparently, the longer they grow, the larger they get. They come in sizes named after celebrities, ranging from the week-old Keira Knightly model to the six month old Pamela Anderson variety. Talk about a shroom with a view!
Here’s the Feelcopper pitch: Instead of just being the perfect tit, for only $22 you can have the perfect tit. But wait, there’s more! If you order now, we’ll toss off the second Shroom Boob free! For those more adventurous, try the Tripping Hippy Shroom Boob. Just chew on our psychedelic nipples and knockers down those perky doors of perception. Ask your plastic surgeon if Shroom Boobs are right for you. If all else fails, they make a great soup (no milk necessary).
Farmer Feelcopper wants you to be on the lookout for his upcoming Assparagus line, his Chia-Tits line, and his extremely controversial eggplant parmedongs, all coming soon to a produce section near you!