The Economy: $ome Ea$y $olution$ that Can’t Po$$ibly Work

Mick Zano

I hate economics.  If we weren’t about to go tits up, I would much rather be posting something about Why I Hate Light Beer, which I do by the way, but here we are…  The Republicans’ answers for our economic woes are not going to happen, or won’t work anyway.  I don’t know what they’re smoking, but it’s certainly better than the shit the Ghetto Shaman scores me.

I know, I know, it’s painful when reality intrudes on ideology.  I should issue a warning before my posts.  I love Bill Maher’s line last week, when he warned Fox viewers to turn down the sound until the flashing FACTS sign stops blinking at the bottom of their televisions. On that note, here are some FACTS:

“The Republicans have spent the past 30 years creating deficits and the Democrats have spent the past 30 years closing them. The unimportance of deficits became an article of faith during the second Bush Administration: “Reagan proved that deficits don’t matter,” Dick Cheney famously said. It has been rather hilarious for those of us with even a minimal grasp of recent history to watch these folks pull fierce 180-degree turns on the issue–and it is even more hilarious to watch them accuse Obama of hyper-partisanship after the dump-truck full of garbage they visited upon his head these past few years,”

–Joe Klein

Meanwhile, Jon Stewart—yes, we must resort to comedians for our truth these days—recently showed how expiring the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy had about the same impact on the deficit as Paul Ryan’s plan.  Instead of asking for Bill Gates to fork over an extra percent for Bush’s fiscal fornication, they want to gut critical care and invade Syria.  They are using this crisis, a crisis they predominately caused, to push an agenda even Scrooge would not approve of (the Scrooge from the beginning of the movie, not at the end, wise ass).  And where do they think these people will go? Is the problem solved?  No, they will make a mess, clog our hospitals and jails and cost us more, not less, money. 

Even though my paycheck is primarily funded by Medicaid, I’m OK with responsible cuts across the board.  At the end of the day it’s about priorities and the right doesn’t have any—except preserving their own greedy hides, of course.  By the way, my behavioral health company is down about 26% over the last 3 years.  Defense cuts?  Hmmm. I’m going to guess somewhere around 0% thus far.  On a related note, Ron Paul had an integral moment recently:

“Instead of the left agreeing to cut social spending and the right agreeing to cut military spending, the right agrees to more welfare and the left agrees to more warfare. In spite of all the rhetoric, we will go deeper in debt, the Fed will print more money, and the value of the dollar will continue to plummet.” 

–Ron Paul (

This is why I quoted him a lot back in 2003, when “fiscal conservatives” were marginalizing him.

Here’s the main Republican fail (I know, on any given subject, it’s hard to limit it to just one, but here it goes): on the brink of a depression, borrowing money from China to give another gazillion dollar tax break to the next yet-to-be-jailed Bernie Madoffs of the world is not likely to get you a job cleaning out one of their pools anytime soon.  AKA, don’t invest in the pool skimmer just yet, Cleetus.  I’m only saying this because jobs have never been created during a period when taxes remained this low for the super rich, ever. 

But this time’s going to be different! 

Yeah, 1939 different…

We don’t have just a spending issue, we also have a revenue issue and a huge frigging debt that can’t be ignored or made up for by closing ACORN.  Anyone credible knows we need some type of percentage of tax hikes and spending cuts.  AKA, next to no one on the right is credible.

Remember I said to watch England

England diced things up thusly, 80/20 (80% via spending cuts, 20% by tax hikes—all over the long haul). Well, it’s not working out too well, is it?  Their recovery is much slower than expected …following the Tories’ (Republicans) “cut everything to shit plan” hasn’t worked.  And, let’s face it, those Republicans are much smarter than their U.S. counterparts (not much of a trick, really).

England is faltering right on cue so Fox assumes, “80% spending cuts just isn’t enough!” or “They weren’t serious enough about spedning cuts!” or some other nonsense.  Oh, and how many times have you heard these “fiscal conservatives” say everything should be on the table?  I have called for some 60/40 type thing that would raise taxes for the rich and would cut things equitably and responsibly across the board.  AKA, you don’t just say everything’s on the table as you drop the toaster into Medicare’s bathtub.  Saving Ryan’s privates? 

Getting the right’s delusional worldview to match history must be a constant struggle, but what amazes me is their rhetoric doesn’t even match their own policies. I know this much, we have next to no chance of avoiding the next dip, but the Republican plan will always be the darker choice; it will always hasten our demise.  More money for the C. Montgomery Burnses of the world and soup lines for everyone else.  You know, socialism.  And the only reason I’m saying Trickle Down Voodoo Reagonomics (TDVR) doesn’t work is because, thus far it never has.  Soooo, over the years my own predictions have been much more accurate and my own policies (like supporting Ron Paul to some degree) have been much more fiscally conservative, so I ask the Foxeteers again, what is your point?  on anything? 

Maybe you’re thinking you’re waaaaaaaaaaaaay overdue to be right about something.  Great plan….or Great Depression.  What about the hard line approach taken way back in 1940?  The spending cuts and belt tightening in the years following the market crash plunged our country into a prolonged four-year depression.  What about that history stuff?

When you read some of this, do you just keep thinking about baseball?  How does your collective mind shift back to some Fox News talking point?  Is it subliminal messages?  Is it some form of Greta Van Semaphore?  Bill Hemmerer pigeons?  Shep signals?  I’m being told to stop…

The right has done nothing except attack liberal radio, homeless Veteran’s benefits, planned parenthood, and a host of other non-profit community organizations that amount to .0000001 of the problem (hint: that’s a small number, much like your viable nominees). And the punch line is, you still think that makes sense! Actually, I don’t think those organizations are even part of problem. YOU, and your voting records are part of the problem.  Oh, and if you pile all of your Obama “scandals” end to end, they would reach all the way to Danny Devito’s shin.  I remember covering real scandals during the Bush years.  I still remember them, in fact, I’m still living them.  And what the right is actually right about these days is so buried in bullshit, we may never find it, and that’s the real tragedy.  

“Even though we have historically low income tax rates for high-earning individuals, even though revenues have collapsed in the recession, even though we have empirically discovered that big tax cuts have not generated more economic growth, the GOP still insists on reforming taxes not to raise revenue but to reduce it. This is where the whole thing gets surreal. The very Laffer untruth that sank America into debt in the early 1990s is one still being peddled against all the relevant evidence to guide us through the next few decades. In my view, if we maintain that ideological fantasy, the US will become a banana republic in short order.”

Andrew Sullivan

Andrew Sullivan is wrong…we are already there.  When they write the epitaph for America, and someone takes us point for point where we went wrong, it will predominantly be a list of Fox News talking points.  Sadly, that will never be a Fox News talking point.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.