New York, NY—McDonald’s CEO Steve Easterbrook has resigned from the company after admitting to dating a staffer. Easterbrook told The Discord today, “Sometimes those golden arches are worth all the McControversy. Hey, I’m just sayin’, she brought me a toy with that happy m—

[Editor’s note: The Whopper of a tail, Wendy’s single, Whattabugger, egg McMuff, Finger lickin’ good, spicy sausage burrito, Jimmy’s John, Hardees Grimace, and Five Guys kosher style hotdog jokes have been dumped out with the plastic tray. You’re welcome.]

[In fact, we scrapped this entire article. Sorry for the inconvenience, but The Discord Drive Thru is open until 11. This is probably the best decision I’ve made as CEO of this rag. Oh, and the Ronald McBrothel joke too …especially that one.]