X-Mansion—The stock market was a real roller coaster this week, but the latest drop in the Dow came at the clawed hands of Marvel great, Stan Lee. Lee created such comic book legends as Spiderman and the X-Men, and news of the 95-year-old’s death sent the price of adamantium, the indestructible metal alloy that fortifies the X-Men, dropping like a mutant at a Trump rally.
Professor Xavier, founder of the X-Men and a mutant with keen telepathic abilities, told the press, “Yeah, I didn’t see this one coming. Oops. I still believe in Lee’s vision of fictional mutant superheroes living in harmony with humans. But, yeah, the Trump thing is testing our patience a bit. He’s a member of the Legion of Doom, after all, which should disqualify a president immediately. After Politico uncovered his affiliation with Magneto and his minions, he got a 5 point bump in his approval ratings.”
Magneto is denying the Legion has been buying up all the adamantium in the galaxy for nefarious purposes. “We’re making a lamp,” said Magneto. “A really cool lamp.”