Bush, the Tea Party, and Fiscal Conservatism for Dummies

Mick Zano

Yes, I’m going there again, but only because even I am flabbergasted how much worse the facts keep getting.  No, I don’t use the word flabbergasted lightly.  The unease people are facing now, amidst the economic collapse, gives me hours of amusement.  At least people are finally embracing the suckage.  But they still don’t know how we got here!  Well, that all ends today.  I tried to guesstimate our fiscal woes a few posts back and, as it turns out, I stand corrected (or blog corrected).  It’s actually worse for the Bushies.  I have been waiting a long time for these numbers from the Congressional Budget Office.  Really, I’ve done nothing but wait patiently for this info—besides the four Bs, of course: boozing, boinking, blogging and BimboGladiators.com.

Bush, the Tea Party, and Fiscal Conservatism for Dummies

Above chart originally snagged from Andrew Sullivan’s blog: The Daily Dish

As far as our fiscal demise goes, the Bush tax cuts are projected to win, hands down!  Er, stocks down.  Oh, and see that really thin grey line marked Fannie and Freddie?  I can’t.  Well, that’s the line the Foxeteers think caused the entire economic collapse—the Barney Frank line, as it were.  In reality, that line is attributed equally to people like Barney Frank, Wall Street greed, and George W. Bush.  But don’t let the facts get in the way of your ideology.  Fox never does.  But, even if the whole Fannie Freddie thing is Barney Frank’s fault, then it’s still a drop in the Gulf compared to the wars, the budget cuts, and the economic downturn….you know, Bush Country.

The bailout line is about half Bush and half Obama.  Somehow the bailouts worked, albeit temporarily.  I predicted the bailouts would only pause the collapse, but there’s some actual gains—stock market and economic growth that I did not predict.  I keep forgetting this whole pile of shit called our fiscal futures is mostly about perceptions, so the BS can linger like a malt liquor Ghetto Shaman fart (MLGSF).  Oh, and as sketchy as the Obama bailouts were, no one knows where a dime of Bush’s 700 billion went (filling the old coffers, no doubt).   Bill W., of Alcoholics Anonymous fame, is probably, as the Crank puts it, whirling feverishly in his mausoleum.  Bush is one guy who never should have stopped drinking.  He makes me question my own service as a counselor—not to mention my male prostitution days.  It’s not related, but it weighs heavily on my conscience.  I can’t even listen to Van Halen’s Just a Gigolo without sobbing.

Sure the bailouts worked to a degree, but we’re still screwed.  But hey, I’m drinking Belgians, so thanks, Obama!  Just for today.  Now, back to our chart.  Not all of those three biggest trillion dollar + bands of deficit are Bush’s fault.  Afghanistan comes to mind.  So let’s continue to be fair here.  I think only about 75% of the massive fiscal fuck up is his contribution.  I said 60% earlier.  Sorry.  I was doing zen math, which is better than Fox math by a long shot.  To summarize, just consider Bush’s part in our demise about ten times that of the Barney Frank influence (BFI).  At BFI, we don’t make the economic collapse, we make the Foxeteers feel better about their abysmal voting records.  Again, we are not likely to recover from this recession, at least not in the foreseeable future—as I’ve said all along. Part of Europe’s problems, PART of it, all-or-none thinking peeps, was certainly a result of our collapse.  I only thought Bush would end the U.S. economy, I had no idea he would destroy the global economy as well. Wait, I think I already said that once.  Funny how I rarely need to retract anything, just repeat things.  For retractions see a Crank and his Blog (with Don Johnson).  I think that’s a repeat too.  But it never gets old.

The second economic collapse will be more painful than the first.  The illusion will officially be over.  And for all of you incredibly-slow-on-the-uptake partisan-hacks (ISOTUPH), you contributed to the cause by supporting our first developmentally disabled president.  TWICE!

Obama, Crank?  He will end up a mediocre president—a man who delayed the inevitable for a time.  The Foxeteers have lots of reasons how Obama could get us out of this mess—all imaginary, of course, like their facts.  Most of your rage should be directed at your own shortsightedness.  Bush will eventually occupy the place of worst president ever.  So, when it’s all said and done, no one will be asking, why didn’t Obama pull out his magic wand and fix everything; they’re going to ask, how in Yig’s name did Bobo Monkey Boy get elected twice at such a critical juncture in U.S. history?  That will be the question of the ages.  On that note, I’ve got two words for you, Joseph Goebbles.  Oh wait, I mean, Rupert Murdoch. 

Meanwhile, Mr. Bush has four presidents to pass on his decent toward infamy.  Not sure if he will beat Buchanan, but he will end up neck and neck with the bastard, for sure.  I’m talking about Pat Buchanan over on MSNBC.  Who were you talking about?

You may be wondering why I never mentioned the Tea Party in this post…

Episode II: The Clown Wars (coming soon to a blog post near you)

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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