It’s been 40 years since Apollo 11 and 37 years since Apollo 17, and, perhaps more importantly, 15 years since Ron Howard’s movie Apollo 13. One would think we’d have made significant advancements in spaceflight since Apollo 17, the last manned space-flight to the moon. You would also think Ron Howard would have a sequel by now. The Wright Brothers’ first flight occurred in 1903, and just about 40 years later (1947), Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier in a rocket-powered aircraft. Why haven’t we made any advancements in super-orbital space flight in the last four decades? Because the manned moon landings never happened… And now we have proof!
There are a lot of conspiracy theories surrounding the moon landings, many perpetuated by this less than reputable e-zine. But, as the Discord’s Senior NASA Correspondent, I prefer to take a more proactive and open-minded approach to these things. I don’t just blindly follow all the hyped-garbage bandying about the internet. With the Discord, you can be sure we’ve put a lot of time and effort into researching and verifying our ideologically driven propaganda (IDP). I suppose it all depends upon what your definition of “researching and verifying” is, or what your definition of “is” is.
The image at right was obviously PhotoShopped. The Daily Discord should have checked with me before posting it. Winslow never listens. He just smells the money.
Regardless, during our research of these other conspiracy theories, I believe I have truly stumbled upon the smoking gun—a piece of irrefutable evidence that proves, beyond doubt, the manned moon landings never happened. His name is Dr. Elmer Phulacrap. Dr. Phulacrap was the head of the CIA program that created and choreographed all the manned moon missions.
Here’s our conversation from January 17th, 2011 at Musso & Frank’s bar on Hollywood Blvd. It’s self explanatory and it profoundly changes the history of mankind:
L. Wolfe: So, Elmer, I’ll buy you another shot if you can tell me some more about the Apollo Program and how you choreographed it.
Elmer: Well, I was working in LA at a little underground film studio, as a grip, see. We were filming Amazon Fantasy—cutting edge stuff at the time. Anyway, I’m leaving late one night and this guy approaches me. He hands me a cigarette and tells me all about how the U.S. Government really needed to get to the moon before the Russians and all that. He then tells me there is no way it can be done, so he’ll pay me $6,000 if I can help build a convincing film set. The rest is history…..uh, well, you know what I mean.
L. Wolfe: Fascinating. Here, have another Mai Tai. Anything else you can tell me?
Elmer: Thanks. We were buzzing along nicely with plans for manned missions to some asteroid or another and one to the dark side of the moon, until Pink Floyd stole my idea for some rock ‘n roll album. The whole thing fell through. Next were going to be manned missions to Vegas—
L. Wolfe: Vegas?
Elmer: No, no Venus, what did I say? We had big plans. Hell, we would have been to Mars by 1977 if it weren’t for George Lucas.
L. Wolfe: George Lucas? Was he involved with this cover up?
Elmer: Vegas? No, I said Lucas. No, the higher ups at the studio decided to “re-allocate” our funding, so we ended up with Star Wars instead. Since then, my career has been in the crapper. I hate Star Wars. I always felt like one of those red-shirted guys that gets killed as soon they beam down to the planet.
L.Wolfe: That was Star Trek.
Elmer: Whatever…I’m just worried I did the wrong thing at the time. And now we may never really get to Vegas.
Elmer: Right, what did I say?