The Deep State Versus The Shallow State

My blogversary always demands answers each week to his nonsensical questions, despite their irrelevance. You can not deny that during the Frost/Nixon interview both men were wearing pants. True or False, Zano?! Both wore pants! For his latest lie-a-tribe, he’s trying to pin me down to either ‘true’ or ‘false’ statements on a series of Spygate inquiriesFor those who stick to news relevant to this planet, the Hannity’s of the world have created an FBI counter-narrative designed to muddy the Russia-probe. True to form, Pokey is never interested in the past or the future, because conservatives live entirely in an ever-present news cycle of their own creation. My related zenwrongness theory points to a permanent Nirvana-like conservative political state for the terminally cheesy. Briepiphany? Dharmaesan? Presentism is a gift from our rightwing propagandists. Who knew Joseph Goebbles was so enrightened? 

Remaining forever transfixed on the latest conspiracy theories allows the right to forever avoid the whole they-always-seem-to-be-wrong thing. Where I see patterns, Pokey sees bupkis. His last article is a list of supposedly earth-shattering epiphanies of FBI-wrongdoing that demands ‘true’ or ‘false’ designations. The problem? His questions are hardly ever worth answering, so let’s add an (I) for Irrelevant. Some may be true or false, but they’re almost certainly irrelevant. So my final answer for your list is: McCabe’s leak to the media (T) and more to come, and the rest (I). If you don’t like the word ‘irrelevant’, please replace with ‘immaterial’, which is also irrelevant.

The crux of Pokey’s rantings highlight how the FBI must do everything in their power to avoid releasing information that might interfere with a pending election. In recent memory such a snafu only occurred once, namely when James Comey announced the seizing of Anthony Weiner’s laptop during early voting of the 2016 general election. Not missing a beat, Fox News ran with an ‘Hillary Indictment Immanent’ and Clinton rightly points out how this maneuver cost her the election. Of course unconfirmed drivel always tops what we know to be true, doesn’t it?

At the heart of zenwrongness is an ability to leap frog over the confirmed to the hopelessly unsubstantiated. If this was a coordinated effort to throw the election for Hillary, FBI partisanship is the least of the problems with our intelligence communities. So let’s not review all my blogvesary’s T or F stuff. Wow. There may well be FBI breaches of protocol, but a coordinated effort is absurd. But by the time we come to that conclusion, fear not, another leap of logic will be all the rightwing rave.

My friend keeps missing the main point, namely how over the years I have investigated his ilk’s batshit conspiracy theories and I am now formally requesting a temporal refund. Until the rightwing media can muster some rudimentary level of credibility, why bother? What I am willing to discuss here is a Tale of Two Meetings: Bill Clinton’s meeting with then AG Loretta Lynch on a plane, and Trump Jr’s meeting with Russians in Trump Tower.

Bill Clinton’s Meeting With Loretta Lynch: Bill Clinton stumbles onto a plane and corners the Attorney General, who’s department admittedly was deciding whether to pursue charges against Hillary Clinton for her mishandling of classified emails. FBI and Secret Service attendees from both sides confirm this was a brief impromptu meeting, initiated by Clinton, and the topic of his wife’s investigation never came up, here. Was this dumb? Yes. Should AG Lynch have recused herself? The jury is out. Post this meeting, Lynch did agree to let her underlings make the final decision on this matter, which, by all accounts, is what ultimately happened.

This “clandestine meeting” premise is, of course, at the heart of their deep state conspiracy. Hillary walked for all her egregious affronts to handling classified information, because Bill pulled in a favor. Do you really believe the FBI, the Secret Service, a former president, the Attorney General and her staffers all lied about the the meeting? Of course you do. Why won’t someone come forward and tell the truth! Everyone hold your breath. If Dems are up to no good they’re certainly better at it.

Trump Jr.’s Meeting With Russian Spies: Initially Junior denies the meeting ever took place. An embarrassing email chain is leaked showing Don Jr. salivating over possible dirt on Hillary Clinton. All Trumpees who attended the meeting deny what was discussed, “We discussed nothing about the campaign, three weeks before the election. We talked about the Cubs. Yeah, the Cubs.” Then, when the truth comes out, the president dictates a statement that the topic of the meeting was Russian adoptions. At first the president lied about dictating the short statement, but, after getting caught, his lawyers admitted the dictator dictated the note. Now we find the topic is false and the Cubs relief pitching remains questionable at best. The topic of the meeting was clearly Hillary, well, if you believe the Russian spies over team Trump. (Hint of the Day: that’s a good bet.)

This is yet another false equivalency, which is one of the right’s favorite tricks. The Loretta/Bill saga was likely a dumb mistake that, devoid of any additional evidence, ranks a whopping “meh”.  As for Junior’s Trump Tower debacle, at the very least the Trump campaign attempted to collude with Russia. They did this, admittedly, at a time when they probably didn’t know the meaning of the word.

In review:

Spygate update: your time line shows you probably have too much timeline on your hands (see what I did there?).

Mueller investigation update: 1. There was certainly attempted collusion, but was it coordinated and criminal? 2. Trump built his empire on money laundering and other white collar crimes, but will it be part of the Mueller mandate/investigation? (As it relates to Russia ancient alien theorists say ‘yes’.) 3. Obstruction of justice clearly occured, but is it extreme enough to indict a sitting president?

Yep, while you were busy creating dots and then connecting them, here’s where we stand in Muellerville (before one word of his final report is released). When doing this dot connecting exercise, please use non-inhalant magic markers and Sharpies.


[Huffingmore post joke omitted by Arianna.]



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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.