Tweet Tower—President-elect Donald Trump released his reversed agenda today in a series of presidential Tweets. Apparently, he is already reneging on his promise to throw Hillary Clinton in jail, which has angered several of his top aides as well as former President Bill Clinton, who shouted, “Donald! I thought we had a deal, you bastard!” Mr. Trump is also backing down on his immigration policy, marriage equality, and the war on drugs. There is even a rumor Trump plans to keep Obamacare, but just change the name to TrumpNOcare. The President-elect told The Discord today, “I’m going to keep all of the good stuff, like the death panels, enrollment complications, and even those soaring premiums everyone’s been talking about. And you can’t change your mind on something like climate change, because the word change is right in the title.”
Mick Zano
Mick Zano
Holy Sheet! Broadway Acquiesces To Trump Over Hamilton Controversy
by Mick Zano •
Muslim Americans Have A Message For President-elect Ass-Clown Hitler
by Mick Zano •
Please Take Just A Few Moments For This Quick Discord Survey
by Mick Zano •
Man To Dedicate Next Four Years To Correcting Pro-Trump Racist Graffiti
by Mick Zano •
Cleveland, OH—Trump supporter, Benjamin Meanie, is angry with the quality of the graffiti turning up on the buildings and vehicles in his city. He vows to roam the streets correcting the spelling, grammar, and even the content of any and all pro-Trump vandalism. “I support all the bigotry and hatred, but I still long for a day when our movement is not associated with ignorance. I will review all of the graffiti in my town and beyond, in the hope of eventually creating a single clear message of HATE. How can we ever get anywhere with: Hung All The Neggers! It implies our work is already done. And what exactly is a Negger anyway? We need to get our message honed and focused to laser sharp precision, before laser-targeting the chests of minorities.”
President Ass-Clown Hitler To Name First Internment Camp Trumpschwitz
by Mick Zano •
Bundy Gang To Head Government Off At The Pass & Stand With The Sioux
by Mick Zano •
Trump’s Chief Strategist Implicated As Man Behind Creepy Clown Phenomenon
by Mick Zano •
Trump Tower—A drunk Stephen Bannon reported for work today, having neglected to take off some of his costume from the previous night. Mr. Bannon’s unpredictable behavior as Trump’s new chief-strategist has sent shockwaves across the internet. Many are implicating Bannon as the force behind the creepy clown phenomenon. President-elect Ass-Clown Hitler told reporters, “Bannon is a creep and he is a clown, but that’s as far as it goes. He’s not, nor has he ever been, a creepy clown at the same time. Let’s get one thing straight, no one I am going to hire is going to be able to multitask. I get a lot of crap about not being inclusive. I like clowns. In fact, I plan to fill the White House with them. This is me being inclusive. There’s plenty of room in the GOP tent for clowns. Just as long as whatever is under all that face paint is white.”
Trump To Tour Arkham Asylum To Vet Potential Cabinet Members
by Mick Zano •
Gotham City—The nation watches in anticipation as the president-elect, Donald Trump, vets key members of his future administration. He has chosen to shift the focus of his search to Arkham, an infamous Asylum for the criminally insane. Will his cabinet include Sarah Palin, Chris Christie, Newt Gingrich, or the Penguin? Dr. Jonathan Crane, aka The Scarecrow, will be conducting Tuesday’s tour of the facility and grounds. “He should think outside the isolation room for this one,” said Dr. Crane. “I hope he considers some of the lesser known talent, hidden away deep in the bowels of this important institution. Either Atomic-Man or the Electrocutioner would be well-suited to head the Department of Energy, and both of them have pending parole hearings. Two-Face would make the perfect Secretary of State and Mr. Freeze could single handedly combat global warming, well, if you believe in that sort of thing.”
