Good journalism means owning up to one’s mistakes. Since our debut in September we have made precious few journalistic boo boos, but here they are in no particular order

Pierce Winslow

Chief Executive Officer

‘Smelly Pirates Captured by Indians’ Headline Should Have Read: ‘Somali Pirates Captured by Indian Navy’

On December 13th in New Delhi, India, the Indian Navy, not a tribe of bow and arrow wielding Apaches, captured the 23 Somali pirates in question.  Regrettably, as it turns out, the Tomahawk missile joke was not only offensive to Native Americans, but was also egregiously inaccurate—to say nothing of our Long John Scalper reference.  Our sincere apologies to any offended primitive redskins.

‘Sun-sized Twisters Appear on Earth’ Headline Should Have Read: ‘Earth-Sized Twisters Appear on Sun’

Sorry for the mass panic, damage to property, and loss of life.  Our official response to this fiasco is “oops.”

‘Indians land on Moon’ Headline Was Completely Muffed

Well, as it turns out folks, it was the country of India not Native American Indians.  The unfortunate “scalp some Martians, bitches” comment makes even less sense now, and is unfair to extra terrestrials everywhere.

‘Texas Cheney-saw Massacre’ Headline Should Never Have Seen Print.

Pierce Winslow takes full responsibility for this error. Whereas it is plausible that Vice President Dick Cheney would travel to Crawford Texas and hack the Bush family into sausages, to the best of our knowledge, it never happened (yet).

For his last act in office, besides doing number two in the middle of the Lincoln bedroom, George W. Bush has cancelled President Elect Barak Obama’s honeymoon period.

“I’m afraid he’s going to have to hit the ground running,” joked Bush to reporters on Thursday, “especially if old Dead-Eye Dick has anything to say about it.”   Bush warns that the transition may be unusually violent.

“Biden better watch his ass,” added Bush, “because the V.P. apparently refuses recognize the new administration, or anyone else for that matter.”  Washington insiders believe the Vice President suffers from something the doctors are calling Age-Related Executive-Expansion Disorder (AREED).  Unconfirmed reports suggest that Cheney will shoot at anything that approaches his property line.

In a phone call to the V.P. elect this week, Bush warned, “Proceed with caution…Dick really wants to remain head of Homelawn Security.”

Of the ten tourists who visited Palestine last year, one has vowed never to return.

“I’m going to fucking Darfur,” says Bernie Snedgrass of Haymarket, VA. After the recent Israeli bombings, Snedgrass changed his flight plan from Gaza to Darfur and told Discord reporters. “I would rather take in historic bullet-riddled Africa.” Snedgrass also hopes to find some real Somalian pirates as well as Obama’s real birth certificate.

“The ‘Atrocities in Ten Cities’ candlelight tour is supposed to be must see genocide,” continues Snedgrass. “Besides, everyone knows that North Africa is the new Palestine.”