“I’m going to send Cruz’s head to the Prime Minister of Canada, and I’m drop-kicking Rubio’s toward Cuba.”
—Donald Trump
Tag Archive for Ted Cruz
Ted Cruz Deported To Sweden: Claims He’s Not From There
by Mr. Sherman •
Would We Like Them Better With Beards?
by Mr. Sherman •
God Pulls Plug On Cruz Candidacy
by Mick Zano •
Heaven—God is reportedly “furious” with Senator Ted Cruz’s recent political antics. As Cruz delivered a speech on the virtues of clean Tar Sands earlier today, God disrupted the proceedings with a blinding flash of Photoshopped light. God then commanded: “Thou shalt retire from politics indefinitely!” The almighty later told reporters he was not impressed with the Texas Senator’s recent debate performance or his fantasy football picks. God then sent an official Notice of Tablet to Cruz Headquarters, certified mail, within the required time frames.
Houston we Have A Politician: Cruz Outed As Alien Operative!
by Mick Zano •
Washington, DC—After chugging a warm pitcher of Pabst, Buzz Aldrin burped the national anthem and Senator Ted Cruz took the podium at the 3rd annual NASA bake-sale. “Since 2009 there continues to be a disproportionate increase in NASA’s funding for the earth sciences,” said Cruz. “This makes no sense as Earth is the opposite of space. Duh. And do you have any idea how much tax payer money is wasted each year keeping those four little Alpha Centurians alive over in Area 51? Oh, wait, that’s classified. Can you bleep that part out? I don’t want those MIBs on my ass again. They’re worse than socialists.”
