Man Attempts to Reintroduce Twinkies into the Wild

Man Attempts to Reintroduce Twinkies into the Wild

Grand Forks, ND—Dan Frakkes was frantic after Hostess announced its pending bankruptcy. The future of such snack favorites as the Twinkie and the Ding Dong remains uncertain at this time. In desperation, Frakkes cashed in his 401K and used all of his funds in the hopes of distributing enough Twinkies into the wild to survive the winter. He has dispersed his tiny sponge cake legion throughout the badlands of North Dakota.

The Discord’s Crank added, “I don’t exactly know what this guy is doing, but I applaud his efforts.”

Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Realty, said, “The DNA diversity is going to be an issue. How are these creatures going to maintain a viable breeding stock? First of all, they should have been tagged, second, the badlands are the last place I would have chosen for the release and, finally, Frakkes admitted to devouring more than he is releasing.”

Dr. Hogbein also believes he should have released them all in one place. “Twinkies are likely herd animals,” said Hogbein. “There are also questions as to what natural prey awaits the Twinkie. Who can guess whether Twinkies will be immediately devoured or if they will survive, mutate, and one day dominate the world itself! Indeed, if they die out we may lose an incredibly tasty snack food, but, if such treats can survive in the wild, we may be witnessing the beginning of the Entenmanns!”

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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