Today, Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner captured a werewolf, drinking Pina Coladas at Traders Vicks. On the tenth anniversary of having his head blown off by CIA operative Van Owen, Roland was out stalking through the night, when he came upon a werewolf whose hair was perfect. Roland knew instantly it was, Mr. Bad Example himself, the werewolf suspected of ripping out Jims’ lungs.
This werewolf broke all of the deadly sins, rampaged several Marriotts, and doing his best Lon Chaney impersonation killed Du Koo Kim while disguised as Boom Boom Mancini. His worst crime, the raping and killing of little Susie on prom night, he later made a cage out of her bones. Mr. Bad Example, for many years, was living in splendid isolation, hid away at Detox Mansion, raking leaves with Liza, and cruising the ocean with Mutineers. He made the trip to Trader Vicks, not being able to pass up a few drinks and the Bi-Polar women in leather and lace, as he heard Johnny strike up the band.
Roland aimed his Thompson gun; he didn’t say a word. The werewolf disappeared in the muzzle flash of Roland’s Thompson gun. Having barely escaped with his life, the wolf immediately called his father to send in Lawyers Guns and Money, claiming there was disorder in the house.
“Dad,” he screamed, “Get me out of this!”
His request fell upon deaf ears, however, due to turbulence in Moscow and the noise from Mohammad’s Radio. Distraught, the bandanna wearing werewolf threw himself against the wall, and laid his head on the rail road tracks, waiting for the Double E.
Attempts to sedate the werewolf were unsuccessful as he blurted, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead”. While praying to the Hindu Love Gods, he threw his lit cigarette into in open container of alcohol. He was in the house as it burned down, making plans to search for a certain girl, with a Raspberry Beret, and maybe find some things to do in Denver when you’re dead.
In memory of genius singer-songwriter Warren Zevon
“Enjoy every sandwich!”