Washington, DC—President Obama told reporters this Tuesday, “The eye stays put.” Obama insists his decision to keep the All Seeing Eye, currently mounted atop the Washington Monument, is not an attempt to maintain Bush-like levels of executive power. The President adamantly denied allegations that the office has changed him. He went on to dodge questions about using fear to push policy, his continued use of earmarks and signing statements, as well as his complete refusal to investigate the previous administration on any front. President Obama then assured the press that he would only send armies of orcs and goblins to get the “bad guys who mean us harm.” The change in the President’s demeanor has drawn harsh criticism from both Democrats and Republicans alike. Some fear Obama may be unwilling to hurl the One Ring into the Fires of Mount Doom at the end of his term. Obama received the One Ring only after it was bitten from, then Vice President, Dick Cheney’s finger by Rahm Emmanuel on Inauguration Day.