Washington, DC – President Obama has unveiled his decision to appoint 12-year old Carla Pedersen from Des Moines, IA, to the position of FEMA Czar.
“Janet Napolitano is going to have to share her power with an outstanding young adult, who I am honored to have aboard team Obama.”
Troop leader, Mrs. Nancy, had this to say, “Carla is a star pupil. She aced everything from survival skills to knot tying, and, despite the recession, her cookie sales remain high.”
When Obama was asked if the Girl Scouts organization could really prepare someone for such a critical position, the President replied, “They’re doing a heck of job, Brownies.”
When no one laughed, Obama continued. “Look, she couldn’t do any worse than Katrina.”
Katrina, an 11 year old from Ohio, chose this moment to breakdown in tears.
“Besides,” continued Obama, “adolescents have an unemployment rate over 25%. This will help .0001 percent. And this is hopefully the first of many such child czars.”
Obama dismissed his critics and claimed he would keep ‘Scouting’ for new talent.
“Besides,” added Obama, “old people didn’t vote for me, so fuck’em. Now, if you will excuse me, it’s craft time.”
Some are concerned about handing an integral section of our Homeland Security Department over to an unqualified child. President Obama also seems oblivious to the inherent pressure child Czars face these days. Conspiracy theorists believe Obama’s out-of-control Czaring practices begs a reinterpretation of the movie 2010 A Space Odyssey. The phrase, if read correctly, becomes It’s all filled with Czars, which proves, at the very least, this Discord staffer needs to find a productive hobby.