Tweet Tower—This year has seen a marked increase in the illegal drone presence at and around our airports. Many citizens are also upset by an expanding fleet of private drones that continue to encroach on our personal privacy at beaches, pools and naked Dungeons & Dragons marathons. Moved to Friday, gang! Shortly after the two day drone siege of London’s Gatwick airport, the White House is finally addressing this global problem. President Donald Trump has used his Art of the Deal prowess to finalize an agreement between Skynet and the Trump Organization. The Donald believes this arrangement is win win, and by ‘win win’ he means “for myself and my family.” The president told the press today, “I made a deal with the best people over at Skynet! The best people!! Illegal drones are history, HISTORY!! #Trumpinated.” Despite the benign sounding business agreement, The Discord has discovered the secret involvement of many other key global players in this endeavor, such as, but not limited to: Umbrella Corp, Soylent Corp, Koch Industries, Beelzebub Global, Monsanto, Rio Tinto, The Backstreet Boys, American Cyanimide, MomCorp, GeneCo, Multi-National United, Mordor LLC, Dante Laboratories, SCOTUS, LexCorp, Tyrell Corporation, Veidt Industries, The National Rifle Association, Blackwater, Abstergo Industries, The London Symphony Orchestra, KAOS, Chick Fil A, LexCorp, Biffco, Alternate Street Parking, Biffco again…
Adipose Industries, The Bank of Evil, Ultratech, Amaymon, MegaCorp, SPECTRE, Engulf & Devour, The Bulk Pickup Guy, Roxxon, Apeture Labortories, ATMOS, The Onion, CHOAM, Weyland-Yutani, Parallax Corporation, Atlas Corp, Omni Consumer Products, Antigen, Papa Johns, BioVectra, Cyberdyne, Dyne Corp, ACADEMI, North Central Positronics, Poorman Industries, Bartok Industries, Blok, My HOA, Buy N Large, CCA, Orcs R Us, Cobra Industries, The Grand Old Party, Eklipse Corporation, BiovVectra, Father Sun Inc., TriOptimum, Hobby Lobby, DataDyne, ExoGeni, Crey Industries, SuddenLink, Gandrake Enterprise, GeneCo, the Ministry of Magic, Asrter Corp, Cinq Flèches, Cloverleaf Industries, Alchemax, Pentex, The Republican National Convention, Manchurian Global, Al Qaeda, Xanatos, Barbatos, VersaLife, Freddie the Wonder Lizard, The Injustice League, Preta, Virtucon, TSA, TSU, totally out of TP eh?
Samael Inc., Chick Fil A (did we use that one?), Daggett Industries, Officer Shoemaker, Blue Sun Corporation, Cybus Industries, Roxxon, Agiel, HeretiCorp, Rekall, Czerka Corporation, United Airlines, Conglom-O, The Freedom Caucus, Radio Corporation, The Consortium, Apocalypse Inc, Aggressive Solutions Int., Mugato Enterprises, GeoComTex, TKE, Astralnet Broadcasting Company, Eurocorp Syndicate, F.E.A.R., General Construction Corporation Global Chemicals, Russel Crowe, Vapula, Globalsoft, Cigna, Krampus Global, Kinkos, N.E.R.D., Fox Entertainment Group, Facebook, Smithfield Foods, Ernst Blofeld, The Weinstein Company.
Homicide International Trust, Hybra-Tech Corporation, InGen, INTEC, International Electromatics, H&S Miser Brother Industries, Itexicon, TeamGalactic, The Trade Federation, The Trust, Goldmember Enterprises, The Union Aerospace Corporation, Ted Nugent, Veridian Dynamics, Asakku, that asshole at Maloney’s, Bakasura, Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems, Zik-Zak Corporation, my sophomore year girlfriend, Aamon, ZORG Industries, Skull & Bones, League of Doom, Hell’s Grannies, Pinecorp, Asakku, Corky’s Place, Aesir Corporation, Equifax, and Smoking Man Industries (SMI).
The anti-Armpit Salesmen, Adrammelech, Beethoven, Mozart, Chopin, Liszt, Brahms, Panties…I’m sorry? Deutsche Monty Python tangent…Schumann, Schubert, Mendelssohn and Bach. Names that will live for ever. But there is one composer whose name is never included with the greats. Why is it that the world never remembered the name of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm? To do justice to this man, thought by many to be the greatest name in German Baroque music, we present a profile of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft …of Ulm.
Biffco again and one baby zebra.
Great reporting, guys!