After consuming an extreme amount of vodka, Russian President Vladimir Putin announced his decision today to release Justin Bieber from an unspecified Gulag. Putin admits the young entertainer acted irresponsibly but would rather avoid the wide array of expected protests during his coveted Olympic games.
When asked about his decision to release members of the punk rock band, Pussy Riot, Putin said, “Kittens like them may have nine lives, but I can assure you I have more than nine guns. Besides, this is very different. I have always admired Bieber’s work.”
President Obama has yet to receive any official communication from the Kremlin on this matter so The White House remains perplexed by the Russian President’s proclamation. “Look,” said Obama, “I already did my fair share of pardoning turkeys over the Thanksgiving holiday.”