Heaven, HVN—The Wikileaked documents continue to mount up as few remain unscathed from this major security breech from hell…apparently, even hell. One exchange is an email between Satan and God, wherein Satan makes fun of God.
“Look who plays me in movies, De Niro, Walken, the list goes on and on—who do you got, George Burns, hah?!”
God then responded by saying, “Two words, bitch, Morgan Freeman!”
The email that is getting most of the attention, however, is a note from God to himself, which lays out his big plan in three steps:
- Eden Eject: Create the snake and the woman just to be sure.
- Operation Guilt: Send a son, who is actually me in disguise, in the hopes of one day being in a Mel Gibson movie.
- Operation Shaft: Somewhere around 2010 start fucking with Haiti (just becuase).
“There are several astounding revelations in this email,” said Christian scholar Timothy Andrews. “Not the least of which is God’s complete inability to utilize spell check.”
“Obviously there’s a lot we don’t understand about our deity,” said Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute and Grill, “Regardless, this is a huge victory for all mankind. It’s a victory for the religious minded, because irrefutable proof of God now exists, and it’s a victory for the atheists, in that, it’s a bloody shame.”