Arkham, MA—Karl Rove was committed earlier today to the care of the Arkham Asylum, home for the criminally insane. On election night 126 people were injured after witnesses claim a line of limousines, one with an Olympic dressage horse strapped to the roof, went on a rampage. Karl Rove was seen driving one of the limos wildly through the streets of Miami in a murderous rage. The vehicles dispersed several long voting lines and ran over countless registered voters, including two Black Panthers wanted for voter intimidation. Mitt Romney is still being held for questioning and Miami Police report he has changed his statement “several hundred times”.
Witnesses claim Rove would yell, “Have you voted yet?!” and then, depending on the answer, would hit the accelerator. After dispersing the crowd at a Miami Dade polling station, Karl Rove jumped out of the car and said, “You’re out of line! You can’t vote! Where are your voter IDs! Voting is a felony!”
Mick Zano of The Daily Discord commented, “I think that’s why Romney’s concession speech was so thoughtful. He knew his people back in the car elevator were still picking some urbanites out of the grill.”
Despite being wrestled out of the limo by Miami Police, Karl Rove maintains he was on cable television during the entire election.
“I was on Fox News torturing interns and firing random staffers,” said Rove. “You think I cloned another me just so I could go on some type of swing state killing spree? You’re out of line! You can’t vote! I want a recount! MwhHahahahah!”
Rove abruptly ended the interview and said he needed to get a message to a couple of other inmates, who he called “Joker and Two-Face”, which we can only assume meant Ryan and Romney.