Doesn’t cognitive dissonance eventually reach some saturation level? If fed enough conflicting data doesn’t the frontal lobe eventually deflate or something? Neuralflacidity? I know conservatives get an unhealthy dose of spin, but eventually the dust settles and we discover what actually happened. And it’s never what they thought.  For some reason I was reading the Weekly Standard the other day and it struck me, the Standard is the brain-trust of the right, right? Yet who in their right mind would trust their brainlessness? Sorry, it’s the neuralflacidity talking.

Bill never-right Krystol is calling for the dismantling of the Iran deal and he thinks he has the plan and the prowess to help republicans accomplish this important patriotic feat. And by patriotic, of course, I mean treasonous.

“The best chance is to prevent a final deal from being signed on June 30. And the best way to do that is to spend the next 80 days pulling on the loose threads and poking at the fraying parts of the framework announced last week in Lausanne. We can heighten the contradictions, exacerbate the tensions, make unacceptable the ambiguities, and thus tempt the Iranians to decide to walk away.”

—William Krystol

If Iran chooses not to play ball with the international community it may result in increased sanctions and or bombings. Granted the Ayatollah is a nut, but he alone has the power to make or break this deal. This has always been a long shot, but it should not be purposefully undone—especially by a republican pundit with a track record that makes Greece’s economic minister seem insightful. I have a lot of doubts and questions about this deal myself, but I commend the attempt. To resort directly to military strikes is insane, even by republican ‘weakly standards’. I am a spoof news guy and if I had Krystol’s record I would break said record over my knee and throw it out the nearest window. The Vinyl Solution?

Right now our own Congress is undermining the entire foreign policy of a sitting president. It’s not as if they have some viable solution they’re chomping at the bit to implement. Juan Cole has our grim Iran war prospects, here. They have nothing, or:

“Same as it ever was.”

—David Byrne

In their defense, it must be difficult to navigate their own self-created Shitlandia. That’s near Barf Harbor, right? The best hope for this incredibly daunting Iran deal is the fact that Krystol and his ilk say it won’t work. That alone should be enough reason to give diplomacy a chance. It’s like that Lennon line, all we are saying is…is give me money, that’s what I want!

I admit what Iranian zealots are saying to their base is disturbing, but is it true? I mean, it’s kind of like the Republican Primaries, all ginned up nationalism and fecal matter. Besides, nearly two thirds of our country would prefer if Congress stayed out of the negotiations, here. Majority polling is usually not my shtick, but republicans are going against the president and the people on this one. Oh, and did I mention their historical track record?! They have balls. No brains, of course, but balls of Adamantium. Speaking of X-Men—

[Chelsea Manning joke removed by the editor]

On a related note, Paul Waldman yanked out an old J.J. Goldberg article. Right before the Iraq War Bush received two visitors from Israel, Ariel Sharon and Benjamin Netanyahu.

Ariel Sharon basically said an Iraq invasion would have three results:

1. Iraq will implode into warring tribes of Sunnis, Shiites and Kurds.

2. You’ll be stuck in an Iraqi quagmire for a decade (boy, was he wrong!).

3. Iran, a far more dangerous player, will be rid of its principal enemy and free to pursue its ambitions of regional hegemony.

*Courtesy of that J.J. Goldberg article

George W. Bush, of course, thought hegemony meant a fund that whether the market went up or down would protect his capital. So he invested—I mean, invaded. But wait, a mere couple of months after Sharon’s visit Benjamin Netanyahu gave Bush the exact opposite advice. “If you take out Saddam’s regime, I guarantee that it will have enormous positive reverberations on the region.”

Wow, I can see why he’s so popular with republicans. All you need to do is always be wrong and you’re the next Fox Prom King (FPK). Oh, and I made the mistake of reading Pokey’s last feature. I’ve already addressed this stuff. Republicans tend to seek out quotes from an ultra-liberal professor, extrapolate said quotes, and then mold them into some widespread conspiracy theory. Rinse, blather, repeat. Again, the trick is not in finding some crazy liberal, it’s finding a sane republican, anywhere.

Hint of the day: You’ll have better luck finding a Yiddish theatre group in Damascus. Pirates of Shvantz?

So where are the republicans who are saying, “Let’s just see what the diplomats come up with?” That’s because, Polls suggest there aren’t any! Why? Because Foxeteers aren’t permitted to stray a micron from any Fox News talking point, or:

Historically Awry yet Always United on the Next Course of Action

Groupstink?

Meanwhile, Pokey, your ilk wants to sabotage the Iran deal before it’s finalized and then end any chance of a Muslim Reformation before it begins via a holy war, wonderful. Essentially your two step solution is 1. Start WWIII and 2. Awaken the Beast from Revelations. How about just swimming around Fukushima for a while until you’re a nice glowy green, and then you can do the Godzilla summoning chant (GSC). My friend Larry can probably show you how, if you buy him a beer.

During my last post I never reached the Promised Land: the heralded 2^nd interesting Republican prediction of the 21^st century. This one comes in the form of Glenn Beck’s Caliphate. Beck’s obviously referencing a group of AM radio hosts who hope to expand their current syndicated stations to one day span from the tip of Alaska to the tip of Florida—wait, that’ll be underwater. Never mind.

The accurate Ukraine/invasion prediction was the GOP’s first interesting guess, here. I never got to the 2^nd because my blogging-style remains, ahem, less than concise. I appreciate the feedback and vow to keep all of my posts shorter than the Affordable Care Act’s 11,588,500 words, mostly.

Glenn Beck predicted a Muslim Caliphate, a direct descendant of Mohammad, would soon be chosen and would rule an area from Asia through the Middle East to the western coast of Africa.

First off, I think Beck’s legit. I don’t think he’s all schtick like Ann Coulter. Sure he’s delusional, childlike and misguided, but who on the right isn’t these days? Kidding! Glenn says he’s no longer a Republican, here, which shows some insight. I watched the bit Pokey was talking about here, aka when Mr. Beck and his Magic Chalkboard warned of a Muslim Caliphate.

Saying Muslims may try to bring a huge swath of failed states under one Mullah, Ayatollah or other Religious War Clown (RWC) is about as insightful as saying pyramids are often pyramid-shaped. This has been radical Islam’s goal for centuries. My goal, equally arduous, is to decipher Republicana for those scant few nuggets of insight.

I agree that Chris Hayes on MSNBC wrongly attacked Beck for sharing his Caliphate premise. Shifting all the real estate currently amidst this jihadic turmoil under one dude would be great fun for radicals—more to kill and rape in the name of Allah.

Beck is still wrong, of course. Do you really think these folks are going to all agree on Mohammad’s proper successor? I think our sun will exhaust its hydrogen supply first. They are their own worst enemy and a lot of them will die at the hands of their brothers. Nothing will change until they move beyond their fundamentalist mindset, or at least get Netflix.

“While ISIS will have a tough time holding territory and governing it as a Caliphate, it can still ignite a massive sectarian bloodletting.”

—Good ol’ Buck Sexton

Sure, there’ll be a shit-ton of infighting, death, and carnage, but a consensus? …Middle Eastern Muslims? Hey, I know how to pick your caliphate guy: just gather in the Dome of the Rock and when the color of the smoke changes it means you burned the right infidel. What, too soon?

Whereas ISIS is making progress by calling other groups to their banner, including Boko Haram, they still have quite the uphill battle. Scaling El Capitan on greased roller-skates sounds easier. First they would have to overthrow all the existing governments. As we speak, Nigeria is fiercely battling Boko Haram and the Iraqi army is battling ISIS for Tikrit. The Shiite’s are growing their own radical groups to counter the Sunni shit-show. In the end, the whole thing’s worse than the Republican Primaries

In fact, David Petraeus just told the Washington Post our biggest long term problem in Iraq is Shiite-backed militias. And the 2^nd biggest problem is when he shares this with his new mistress. I kid the General.

We’re seeing a rise in Yemen of these Shiite factions as well. While the U.S. is backing Iran in Iraq as well as the Saudis in Yemen, those two special countries are only attacking their own radical adversaries. Can things get more F-d up? Sure they can. It’s the Middle East, silly. We are amidst a long overdue Islamic civil war and Obama’s approach involves letting them spend some of their own treasure and blood while working out their “important” spiritual differences.  A Fartwa?

Oh and if a radicalized group, Shiite or Sunni or otherwise, should emerge with a real foothold in some sovereign area, the international community will start dropping bombs on their heads.

Sounds like a wonderful little venture! Where do I sign up for the cars and the women? I’m not saying they’re not overachievers, but a true Caliphate will not be chosen and the area in question will not come under one banner any time soon, if ever. And your answer to this problem is ridiculous, Mr. Poke.  Convert them to Catholicism? I’m not saying that’s not a step in the right direction, for sure, but aren’t the last few thousand years enough of a failed experiment for you? Tell you what, you supply the Mormons with the white shirt-tie combo, and I’ll fund Watchtower brochures for some Jehovah’s Witnesses. Then we can drop them in Somalia, Yemen, and Syria and we can kick back with some whiskey and place some bets, eh? White Man’s Bourbon?

In some perverse way I like the idea of ISIS calling every piece of crap in the world to their banner and then dropping a bomb on said banner. Yes, I’m not as sensitive as most liberals. Sorry if I think we have a right to be a little miffed at the group most likely to end our species. It’s not an “ugly” statement, it’s a fact. I hate it when liberals shy away from facts—such practices should be relegated to Fox Noise-types. But, we should also be proud of our American Muslims for not feeding into this tribal bullshit. As I’ve said, the answer lies in moderate Muslims, not radicalized Republicans.

Regardless, Obama needs to keep the American people appraised of the situation in the Middle East, whether or not it deviates from his main themes and strategies. This is a rare point where I agree with the Pokester. We need to strike that balance of information vs. radical recruitment.

Lest we forget, the main two marginally insightful GOP moments were uttered by Beck and Palin. This is no small point when you consider the relative mental health of your party. Pokey doesn’t seem to care that the only people who agree with him are certifiable. The right wing of any party on Earth has only one solution, war.  If a heavy branch somewhere endangers a garage roof, the all-or-none thinking right will always want to cut down all the trees in the neighborhood…or, worse yet, build an ark.

[Winslow: I’m ratting Zano out. His original submission did exceed the A.C.A’s word count by a rather wide margin.]