The Official Crank Manifesto 2008 “This Smells Like Ass” Top Fifteen

  • 1. Any bailout of anything (with the exception of boats?)
  • 2. Not seeing perp walks of Dodd, Franks, Paulson, Bernanke, Reid and Pulosi (don’t go away angry, just go away).
  • 3. Four more years of the Clinton administration, minus the guy who made it all work (Slick Willie, where are ya?).
  • 4. All mainstream media for impersonating the main stream media (who are you guys, and what the fuck have you done with Edward R. Murrow?).
  • 5. The U.A.W. – for ruining America’s last major manufacturing companies (can Toyota please build us a shitload of tanks for the next world war?).
  • 6. The far left and far right, otherwise known as the vocal minority (shut the fuck up).
  • 7. The United Nations (Mr. Trump, what could you do with an odd shaped 40+ year old building in central Manhattan?).
  • 8. The idiocy of picking another woman as Secretary of State (but Mahmood, would it make any difference if I said my boss is a man?).
  • 9. Selling short (how the fuck do we allow someone to sell something they won’t own until tomorrow?).
  • 10. Woman’s lib (it only counts if the woman is a lib, and men don’t think she’s hot).
  • 11. Immigration (what part of “build the fucking fence” don’t you understand?).
  • 12. The mideast in general (it’s time to make Fat Man II, just give Israel a little notice).
  • 13. Somali pirates (see # 12).
  • 14. Putin (you can take the boy out of the K.G.B., but can’t take the K.G.B. out of the boy).
  • 15. My new grandson having to pay for our bailouts (why, Granpa, why?).
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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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