Agrabah—In a move that some are calling premature, Donald Trump is already Tweeting other world leaders in an effort to make America Tweet Again. Mr. Trump told the press today, “Lately I have been Tweeting a lot in the middle of the night, but not all of it is just Rosie O’Donnell and Hillary Clinton jokes. It’s not. Sure that’s most of it, but I am also negotiating big deals, right now, with some major players across the Twitterverse.” #BigAgrabahOilDeal
Wadiya—The Trump campaign is calling the rumor that the Butcher of Wadiya was ever considered a viable running mate, absurd. Whereas Trump admits he recently showered the Admiral General with praise, the Trump Campaign never considered him on the “short list” because he was born in another country, the UN wants him for war crimes, and he’s pro-choice.