Washington, DC—President-elect Donald J. Trump stood definitely in front of the South Lawn entrance of the White House and urinated in a bush. Just a little. He then, with magnificent bladder control, the best bladder control, repeated the procedure in several bushes before entering the White House. A group of reporters shouted questions at Trump. One asked if he planned to also pee inside the White House. Donald Trump told reporters, after the shake, “All options are on the table and, yes, I will be peeing on the table.” He then turned to face reporters with a zip. “I plan to work closely with Mr. Obama over the next ten weeks, so close that, yes, I will mark him as well. (Grunt). This transition will be quick and smooth as I am now the top dog. I have the best transition people working on this. And Melania has already picked out the color scheme and the statues and those Vegas column facades. Gold will be very prominent, because after I screw this shit up we’re going to need to hock that shit.”

I can’t do this for four years. Holy shit! I can’t even speak Trumpanese. I have to spend more time dumbing down the language level than it actually takes to right the friggin’ piece. Can’t we just go back to a time when Republicans were just really stupid, not criminally insane.  Hey, Donald, there’s a room at Arkham Asylum waiting for you. What a disaster! Excuse me now, I am going to hide until the zombies come.

Good night and good luck.