Philadelphia, PA-These retractions are coming at a fevered pitch lately, as the recession has forced us to outsource our editing to Canada and fewer and fewer of our contributors can afford their medications. Our recent post Hundreds of Dead Opossums Inexplicably Wash-up onto Gulf Beaches: Most Not Faking was not corroborated by the evidence. The one image that sparked the piece turned out to be PhotoShopped. Er, actually it turned out to be PhotoShopped by one of our own staff. So we will take the high road in this matter and do what President Obama won’t. As CEO of the Daily Discord, I would like to formally apologize to BP and to their former CEO, Mr. Hayward, you opossum killing wankers (OKWs).
In retrospect, our article Acetaminophen Linked to Headache Relief in Hung-Over Student wasn’t really news worthy. We have slow days too, and slow days are usually complicated here at the Discord by the higher blood alcohol content of our staffers.
Dalai Lama Leads Police on Three State Car Chase was simply sensationalism at its worst. I have personally dealt with the contributor who sent us this exaggerated piece of pseudo-journalistic nonsense. And, to set the record straight, it was only a two state car chase. I take some responsibility for this debacle, as the states in question were Georgia, South Carolina, and New Mexico. I have moved Google Maps to my favorites, so nothing like this should ever happen again.