Liz Cheney Unleashes Polar Vortex After Failed Senatorial Bid

Liz Cheney Unleahses Polar Vortex after Failed Senatorial Bid

Cheyenne, WY—Liz Cheney, daughter of Sith Lord Voldemort, has ended her campaign for a Wyoming senate seat. Upon conceding her senate aspirations, she cackled manically to the press, “If you will not give me political power I will turn this country into a frozen wasteland!”

Immediately following her statements a large swath of the country was plunged into subzero degree temperatures. Cheney admits her father authorized Operation Deep Freeze, but she is currently denying allegations she used her powers to trap those global warming researchers deep in Antarctic ice. “Wish I had thought of that but, sadly, no,” said Cheney.

She went on to explain how “pulling a Palin” would allow her to spend more time enjoying the simple pleasures in life, like tormenting her lesbian sister further on Facebook or waterboarding. “And enhanced interrogation techniques are so much funner with icicles,” said Cheney.

(Visited 118 times, 1 visits today)
Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.