How Obama Earned His 41% Approval Rating, or at Least Is Renting to Own

Mick Zano

Whereas I do criticize our 44th President, the ideologically-challenged always seem to boggart such endeavors, i.e., Obama really blew it on…wait, did Boehner just say “We’ve done our work”? Or, I’m angry with Holder because…did Paul Ryan just say “I’m not preaching austerity”? For this post I will set aside my own biases as to remain focused on—OMG! Krystol just said “Obama is dangerous and delusional!” Mr. Never-ever-right? Really?

(Deep breath, Zano.)

Yeah, Bill Krystol over at the Weekly Substandard is a real gem. And just when I was about to hate on Obama. Don’t worry Bill, if your spiel turns out to be BS none of your readers will notice…just like yesterday, and I get on my knees and praaay, we won’t get fooled again. Who sung that? No, Who sung that.

(Focus, Zano! …Cough)

Clearly some things have gone astray under Mr. Obama’s watch, but it still amazes me how little time the right wing media spends on his real failures. One would think a group that complains about Obama 24/7 would occasionally touch on something meaningful.

(Throat clear)

Fine….but before I begin my reverse tirade, you’ll find most Obama “scandals” strangely absent. This is not an oversight on my part, I simply left them out because they are either: 1. completely fabricated, or 2. See: number one. My complete Obama scandal summary here.

So here are my beefs with Mr. O:

(Cue dramatic music)

1. He never returns my calls

(Take 4)

I can do this, I can do this!

1. The War on the Middle Class

Obama hasn’t really helped the middle class much. At least I got a check from Bush once for 250 bucks…er, that ultimately helped contribute to a global economic meltdow… mulligan!

(You can do this, Zano. You always predicted Obama would rate mediocre…so more OCRE!)

Okay, so the right focuses on the one percent and the Dems tend to focus their energy on the poor. So the middle class really doesn’t have any champions. Dems really haven’t passed many useful policies. I agree with Kevin Drum’s take, here. Of course, some of the blame lands squarely at the feet of Congress. Shit, no goading them today, even though like in that certain Italian city all goads seem to lead there.

(Getting better. Baby steps, Zano)

2. The NSA

The NSA scandal is real and it’s a big deal. Our unwarranted wiretapping is legal thanks to the GOP, but it remains annoying to anyone with libertarian sensibilities. I have remained riveted to Glenn Greenwald’s work, here. He rocks. Snowden may be an idiot, but he sure picked the right guy to be his champion. He’s anti-Obama without all the mistruths. Always check the packaging, kids.

My position on this hasn’t changed. We need to keep the NSA program, but we can’t “fish” and collect all data without some sort of checks and balances. Listening in on someone’s conversation—within the U.S.—should require some type of oversight.

…or someone should at least tell Cheney (badum-bump).

I predicted that once we uncorked this genie, it would be very difficult if not impossible to get it back into the bottle. And as usual:

“Zano accurately predicted how making warrantless wiretapping legal was a mistake and then accurately predicted there would be no easy restoration once legalized, umm, so he’s wrong.”

—John Q. Republican

So which political party has a better chance of restoring this executive overreach, those who caused the problem (R) or those who perpetuated it (D)? Wait, if Rand Paul somehow got elected that would be different. He’s an outlier…while the rest of his party is out lying (heh, heh).

Thus far Obama is a complete failure on this issue and I will continue to root for the Greenwalds of the world. And, on a related note, the CIA is out of control, to the point where even Dianne Feinstein is taking notice. Oh, and Brennan is a war criminal. There, I said it.

(That’s better, Zano)

3. Close Guantanamo!

I cannot believe Guantanamo is still open. I realize the GOP put up incredibly challenging barriers to closing this facility but this is a big deal. It is a stain on the U.S.’s record and it personifies the abuses under Bush. When under bush I torture too, but only if there’s an agreed upon safe word.

Guantanamo continues to hinder our ability to claim any moral high ground as numerous leaders from Vladimir Putin to Iran’s Ayatollah have pointed out. And losing the higher moral ground to these jokers….anyway, the 6,000 page CIA investigation of abuses and torture needs to be public. No one has been held accountable for these actions that historically have ended in some military-style hangings. Obama now shares some culpability in this dark period of American history.

4. The Affordable Care Act

As for Obama’s legacy achievement, it’s stunning to me how poorly the rollout of Obamacare was executed, especially when one considers this guy is the tech savvy prez. Or:

Rocky the Rollout Rodent

So goes Obamacare, so goes Obama. He was already starting off behind the 8-ball with this plan. He had to know the GOP would discourage their constituents from signing up. Oh, and Sebelius should be run out…wait, before you lose Brennan let him water board one more person.

5. Our Attorney General

Eric Holder is an idiot. For most key positions, Obama has picked an amazing team. He has a lot of rock stars, D and R. This may come as a surprise to republicans…as most facts do. But Eric Holder is a very notable exception. He never seems prepared, well-spoken or competent. He reminds me of a republican, or better yet Ruprecht from Dirty, Rotten Scoundrels.

ruprecht

Dear Mr. Obama,

When Fox News doesn’t have to make shit up and you’re guy still looks bad…there’s your first hint, Sparky. I have already written his dismissal tweet. It’s waiting your approval.

Sincerely,

Mick Zano

P.S. Stick Ruprecht’s giant fork in it, Holder’s toast.

6. Obama’s Lincoln Shit

Obama made a big mistake trying to reach across the aisle for his entire first term. I warned him nearly four years ago he’s barking up the wrong all-or-none thinking party. He would have been better served had he killed the filibuster while he was hanging the (blanking) curtains. The GOP is not reasonable at the moment serves no purpose.

7. Climate Change

If the Democratic held senate couldn’t pass any relevant policies in 2010, how are they any better than the right?

8. Dems in General

They suck. Hillary and the rest of our spineless Dems followed Bush into his foreign policy oblivion and now they are not defending the Affordable Care Act. The bad press the ACA is receiving has a fair amount of the fictional variety sprinkled in.

A number of Dems also broke from the president on Syria in a strange treasonesque, douchey type move not seen since the last time Ted Cruz opened his mouth. The recent drop in Obama’s approval is mostly from those red state Dems. Hold the line, anyone who says they know if the ACA will help or hurt a year from now is selling something. Speaking of which, only two more weeks to sign up, kids. Signup on an exchange and win a Discord t-shirt!

[Winslow’s Note: And by “win” he means “go out and buy your own damned shirt and print our logo on it.”]

9. Great Communicator?

What happened? Obama has a much better record than your average citizen comprehends. I suggested fireside-chat-style updates long ago. Only wonks seem to even understand his accomplishments. He needs to go toe to toe on his alleged failures and defend his successes. The false narrative has reached the shores of independent voters; it’s like a cancer that he allowed to go malignant. Obama figured “not true, not worried”. Wrong! Fox and friends eat falsehoods for breakfast. Koch Kook Flakes?

 

Closing thoughts:

You might think it odd I left out all recent foreign policy events, but the jury isn’t in yet. I am reasonably sure Obama will avoid WWIII and any invasion of the wrong country, which is waaaaaay more than I can say for The GOP, who, in response to the Ukraine, would have annexed Venezuela.

Mr. McDooris is right to point out current abuses of executive power and the NSA thing is a key battle at the moment. But I stand by my coverage of the Bush years and I believe my ongoing disgust with the GOP is equally valid. My summary article Through Rove Colored Glasses, part one and part two.

Meanwhile, I give full marks to Obama for avoiding the Bush Depression. The U.S. is enjoying the strongest recovery in the west, a recovery I thought was highly unlikely in 2008. It took extraordinary measures to save us. However, the Feds taper is going to be the true test as to whether or not Obama’s efforts only postponed our demise. Overall signs are more promising by the day:

“Five years in, we have enough data – so reading through the Economic Report from the Council of Economic Advisers is therefore a helpful exercise. And it seems to me to be a rather impressive record – and utterly alien from the picture of gloom and dysfunction the Republicans are currently concocting.”

—Andrew Sullivan

The jury isn’t in on Obama, but the jury is in on The GOP and…uh, what would you like for your last meal? Yeah, I know, I know….a bowl of Koch Kook Flakes.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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