Philadelphia, PA – The Bible warns of a powerful leader and a false prophet who would one day rise to power under the direction of ‘Our Lord’ Satan. It is prophesized that this unholy trio would ultimately bring about both the destruction of the world, as well as alternate street parking (not necessarily in that order). The Daily Discord’s own CEO, Pierce Winslow, is denying allegations that he and his trusty sidekick, the Ghetto Shaman, have been covertly enriching weapons grade uranium in the back of Winslow’s 1985 Ford Granada.
“That’s just crazy,” said Winslow, while laughing in a fake, unconvincing kind of way. “Besides, I own a 1986 Ford Granada.”
If the Discord is successful in obtaining a nuclear device, experts warn it could trigger an unprecedented virtual arms race that would quickly spread across the blogosphere. The above picture is believed to be the actual Discord weapons facility, or a close replica, or possibly a Neolithic bird sanctuary.
“If the Daily Discord were to obtain such a device,” said Winslow, “we would do what any good ezine would—nuke Facebook!“