We Have Chosen The Form Of Our Destructor

 

Tweet Tower—It’s hard to grasp the full descent of American politics in 2019, a time when watching certain news sources makes you less informed and listening to a SOTU address will make you a little less aware of our actual State of our Union. As for Russiagate, I knew annulment was a longshot and the last best hope for a course correction has apparently fizzled. Now this country and this planet will bear the brunt of the rest of this populist shit show. Just as it’s hard to tell a Republican president with Dementia from the usual variety. It’s similarly difficult to distinguish legal business dealings from blatantly criminal ones. These lines are becoming forever blurred as we shift deeper into this late stage democracy. Our political scheissgeist reminds me of when Gozer the Gozerian demanded that the Ghostbusters, “Choose the form of the Destructor!” And then a moment later said, “The choice is made.” Venkman is like, “Whoa, wait a minute! Liberals, did you choose anything?” No. “Independents, did you choose anything?” No. “Republicans?” …It just popped into our head. That guy from The Apprentice, a selfmade businessman, a real Atlas Shrugged guy, a man who couldn’t possibly mean capitalism any harm.

“The Grifter has come.”

We have entered the perfect political storm and it doesn’t help that Captain Drumpf is tossing the paper towels around the room. Mutiny on the Bounty joke removed by me! See, I beat you to it, Mr. Winslow! #1stAmendment! #WhoEditsTheEditMen? During the Dubya days my predictions were pretty spot on, but, admittedly, I wasn’t convinced we would ever truly recover from his brand of reckless incompetence. Whereas I did accurately predict the collapse, to the year, I believed we only had about a 30% chance of rebounding from what later came to be called the Great Recession. I since learned, thanks to Keynesian economics, we could just print a shitload more funny money and extend our mass monetary delusion for a few more years. Who knew? This Keynesie fella, I guess. Didn’t he do that sex study back in the sixties? Either way he’s well positioned *cough*. Now we see deficits on a crazy jag upward while we cut anything relevant to the lower and middle classes, again, just as predicted. It won’t be long before the world economy stumbles, but will this round be even more catastrophic? I hope not. Wrong would be wonderful on this one. I also targeted the republican administration post George W. Bush as our final Destructor. Then when I saw who it was, years later *gulp*.

The tragedy is how long it took to pull out of this Bushian nosedive and how eager this country was to go not so gently back into that far right, aka, blow up deficits, other countries, and everything in between. It took a special list of imbecilic ingredients to bring us back to this brink so soon. Sometimes Karma is a bitch and other times she’s a Fury with extreme PMS.

[Wicked Witch of the Westwing joke removed by the Secret Service.]

Right-wing media paved the way for the emergence of a morally bankrupt, politically indifferent, scientifically incurious, con man to clean out Dodge. We watched our Republican friends enable Wall Street, weaponize stupid, and then hand these new found super powers to the personification of swindle himself, Donald J. Trump. This caveman emperor has taken caveat emptor to a whole new level as the U.S. is open for any and all forms of shady.

According to The Washington Post, the Consumer Protection Bureau, which now just hands out tubes of KY jelly with instructions to apply liberally on the assets, has shown a decrease in enforcement actions, while at the same time Obama-era regulations meant to protect those with student loans are being gutted.

“The bureau has dropped cases against predatory payday lenders, reportedly rolled back its investigation of the Equifax data breach, and reformulated its mission to scale back its reach. Federal regulators in September released AIG from special government oversight mandated after the financial crisis and set aside a legal fight with MetLife.”
—Emily Stewart, Vox

I’ve started to take notice of the vultures circling my own bank account, here. The Art of the Grift is in full swing. The lines of good business are now forever blurred between Ayn Rand and Ken Lay.

[Aynron CEO joke removed by the editor and charged with Insider Blogging.]

Capitalism has become, what you can get away with. Early as it may be, neither front-runner in the 2020 race is willing to release their tax returns. Bernie should drop out if he continues to muddy this important issue.

The Atlantic is channeling some Zano today:

“(The Scam) becomes its own false promise. It is too hopeful. It is overly naive. It assumes a world that does not exist. There’s so much that becomes fair game, after all, within a game that is rigged…[On Breaking Bad characters, she adds:] Is Chuck a high-ranking law-enforcement official or a con man? Is Bobby Axelrod, the hedge-funder whose money helps the world spin on its crooked axis, a scammer or a quintessential success story of swaggering American capitalism? The comedy of it all—the tragedy of it all—is that they are both at once.”
Megan Garber, The Scams are Winning

One of my key warnings involved capitalism’s descent into vulture capitalism. This occurred without half of our country even noticing. Hell, they voted this shit in through a level of shortsightedness not seen since the Golgafrenchin’s decision to raze the world’s forests to fight inflation of their new, rather leafy currency. Republican politicians today are cockroaches staying alive through voter suppression, gerrymandering and a singular ability to scurry quickly when the investigatory lights flick on. Not a single person went to jail for the Wall Street collapse, torture, lying us into war, Iran Contra, and no one high enough has yet to be held accountable in Trumpsylvania. Will anyone go to jail for the next one? Today the moguls openly live by different rules. It’s not a crime, because it’s not illegal, Pokey. The one percent is in charge now and whatever they say goes.

Hint of the Day: I predict they will soon start saying a lot.

Trump is currently trying to place his own ringer to head the IRS, undoubtedly to protect the release of his tax returns, and he’s appointing Thing 2, Herman I’m-Not-An-Expert-On-Monetary-Policy Cain to the Fed, after Thing 1, the Stephen Moore nomination, is no moore. These are two astoundingly unqualified people, but as long as they keep interest rates low and allow Trump to finish off the economy, all quiet like, it will all workout for the greater bad. Add this to the appointment of William Presidents-Can’t-Obstruct-Justice Barr just in time to summarize Mueller’s findings, and a clear pattern emerges.

I bet my blogvesary that even now my view of the Russiagate chapter is closer to the truth than the nonsense on the right. Soon after the completion of the Special Counsel’s work I warned that Barr wouldn’t even release the full report to congress’s judicial committee. “No one is saying this yet, but when Barr refuses to do just that, we’re facing yet another constitutional crisis.” Here the Beast today: Bill Barr: I’m Not Giving Congress The Full Mueller Report. We will march from constitutional crisis to constitutional crisis and then sprinkle in either an unnecessary war and/or an economic collapse. Meanwhile, what has Pokey gotten right to date? “The man I voted for shouldn’t be shot for treason, quite yet.” Very inspirational.

Sure most of us weren’t surprised when the president appointed individuals openly hostile to the agencies that they head—as it was all an effort to disband whatever stood in the way of their profits and plans—but to appoint a guy dead-set on ending EPA regs amidst the sixth mass extinction takes a special brand of specialness. As I shift to post, the head of Homeland Insecurity, Kirstjen Nielsen, is stepping down (presumably for not being awful enough).

Trump is dispatching his latest round of flying monkeys with a level of brazenness that even I didn’t expect. Somewhere amidst that illiterate, incoherent, scandal-ridden, moral vacuum of a man beats the Mickey D’s-clogged heart of a chess player.

[Golden Arches-Showers joke redacted by the Attorney General.]

Trump is implementing what his Republican predecessor would call ‘strategery’. Let’s take a moment to praise, not the man, but the Cockroach King, the mega-MAGA survivalist that is Donald Trump. Naked & a Raid?

Mueller’s findings weren’t wrong, neither were my own predictions/conclusions. But whatever the final score ends up being, mark my words, the Republican summary of Russiagate will prove the least accurate, but only because they’ve taken wrongness to the realm of Plato’s forms. They are wrongness personified. They are the Form itself, the unqualified universal perfections (F-UUPs).

Today any and all news cycles bring with it a tsunami of Foxal matter crashing onto our shores. What the hell is a 27 indictment victory lap anyway? How is that a thing? It’s just today’s scheissgeist; if one sentence backs their worldview that’s the only sentence they process and regurgitate. Dang, I want to use the Reince.Priebus.Repeat joke. [Winslow: NO!]

“Shred the other 400 pages of the Mueller report, but take that partially redacted sentence that matches our rhetoric and put it on a plaque.”
—John Q. Republican

Even when it seems like they’re right about something, they won’t be. Truth and Republicanism can no longer occupy the same space. They repel each other like a super MAGAnet. Trust me on this one, if and when liberals are proven wrong about something, Republicans always find a way to somehow Plato this shit.

Another of today’s examples is immigration reform. Instead of even acknowledging what’s happening in Central America, or even understanding the reason for their increased need for these migrations northward—or even our role in the problem—Trump is cutting funding across the board in that region. And firing the head of Homeland Security, someone in charge who only deserves a mere fourth level of Dante’s hell, is not comforting. Make the problem worse and then go, see! Look at that whopper of a problem! Conservatives did the same thing in Europe. Our president is refusing to even hold a summit with these countries to seek solutions. Just die quietly in your own country or on the other side of our imaginary wall.

“It’s easy, folks, you just have to put the word Don’t in front of that ‘huddled masses’ part.”
—John Q. Republican

Wait until we start sprinkling in a pinch of economic downturn and unnecessary wars into the mix. Forgot what you ordered, eh? …yeah, well I haven’t. Check out the latest on Iran here. If you trust Republicans to do the right thing in 2019 you’re nuttier than your president. With Iran it’s ‘trust but verify’, but with our own right-wing friends it’s ‘don’t trust and prosecute’ lest we forget their reputation isn’t quite as strong as the Ayatollah’s, at least historically speaking. I wonder if you really pressed Merkel who she trusts less at this point. Enquiring minds want to …wait, I’m being told the president purchased the Enquirer. Damn.

There’s an eloquence to always being wrong and Republicans do this year after year with a certain pizzazz. Sadly Trump will do what I always predicted he would …ruin us. A post-Trump world is a place in which only the cockroaches will thrive, and in 2019 they’ve managed to take the word chutzpah and occupied new Heights.

Don’t annex that joke, Winslow!

[No promises.]

 

*I initially thought of the Trump as Destruct analogy before he was even president. Who you gonna call?

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

  8 comments for “We Have Chosen The Form Of Our Destructor

  1. pokey
    April 10, 2019 at 7:35 PM

    Good article, Zano…delusional and warped, but well written, witty, and amusing.

    “I bet my blogvesary that even now my view of the Russiagate chapter is closer to the truth than the nonsense on the right.”

    Here’s where “Russiagate” truth can be discerned–Papadopolous, Stephan Halper and Carter Page. Papadopolous and Carter Page are talking, and Stephan Halper is in hiding. Listen to Papadopolous and Carter Page and tell me where they are lying. Tell me where they are not credible.

    You never comment on these, the key players in the FBI’s surveillance of Trump’s campaign. If you’re not even listening to these guys, then you have no credibility on this issue.

    Pull your head out of the sand, listen to Papa and Page, and then talk to me about how that squares with your view of “Russiagate.”

    • Mick Zano
      April 11, 2019 at 1:50 PM

      Fine, my non-redacted summary, ha! Russia meddled with our elections in 2016 and was aiding Trump = Russia meddled with our elections in 2016 and was aiding Trump, the president charged with conspiracy = I said 50/50 all along, Mueller likely uncovered some shadiness, because that’s baseline for Trump. A lot of concerning behavior is already public record. Obstruction = obstruction, enough to impeach? The decision lies with congress, not Trump’s lackey ‘cleaner’. White collar crimes surrounding several open investigations = Trump will be nailed for some of these, because he’s a crook. Spygate (unless they make things up, which this group is capable of doing) = nothing sandwitch hunt. I also think there is still an argument to be made this president is compromised to a number of foreign entities and history will likely agree with that assessment. This has remained the gist of my views over the course of the last two years, based on research and observation, and it will ultimately prove to be much closer to reality than your assessment, which is sadly post the Mueller report: Russiagate = there’s nothing to see here, investigate the investigators.

      Here’s a couple more tidbits: 1. next there will be a huge nonsensical backlash with all the angry, non-indicted co-conspirators attacking their accusers, the media, the Zano (I wish), the Feds, our convenient scores (just because …they are kinda pricey) and 2. there is going to be an attempt to tamp down any and all investigations against Trump, claiming wrongly that it was thorough covered in the Mueller report. 3. what exactly has been done to protect the next election? If the answer is nothing = invoke the 25th amendment and remove this ass-clown from office.

      • pokey
        April 12, 2019 at 7:55 AM

        Again, pull your head out of the sand, listen to Papadopolous and Carter Page–the two people at the center of the FBI’s justification for spying on Trump’s campaign–and then give an honest assessment of their perspective and how that relates to everything else your blabbering on about. Because unless you take their full testimony into account, everything you say is tangential, superficial and probably politically motivated.

        I’ve taken into account all relevant perspectives on this matter, and will continue to do so–and that’s why I know that you have not. It’s not worth my time continuing the conversation until you do.

        Your assignment–Honestly research and tell me how these names factor in to this matter: Papadopolous, Carter Page, Stefan Halper, and Joseph Misfud.

        I’d be happy to examine any relevant leads you have for me.

        • Mick Zano
          April 12, 2019 at 11:23 AM

          I’ve looked into this and I will again, after I finish reading Benghazi: The Early Years. The justification for ‘spying’ on the Trump campaign involves their inherent actions, which run counter to intelligence. See what I did there? Russia meddled with our elections, almost everyone close to Trump during that same key time period meets with them secretly and then lies about it (many to Congress). Enter the MIB. You want them to ignore credible threats? You didn’t see any dots that need followed? Not mentioned by Hannity so not real? NSA expanded greatly after 9/11, against my protests if you recall, but this case probably would fly before or after 9/11, but Levin, Hannity, Limbaugh say otherwise, so TREASON! Not buying it. I think it will come down to, why did our intelligence agencies think Trump was such a threat (a reasonable conclusion) and why would some people still rather side with the threat itself? Relax, we will find out if any Fed procedures were broken, which in the meantime will allow our republic to be. Strong work. If there was a Halper set-up in play, one that didn’t follow standard procedures when dealing with the potentially compromised, it will be explored (thoroughly). But if no one on the congress’s judicial committee ever sees the full Mueller Report, it really doesn’t matter. The truth will be buried, which should be worked into the GOP’s mission statement. If Mueller is dragged in front of congress, someone needs to ask him if he thought the investigation was warranted or were their irregularities in its stumble beginnings. You’re not going to like that answer.

          • pokey
            April 13, 2019 at 10:53 AM

            Why would you need to drag Mueller anywhere? He could speak about these matters right now. To his defense, I believe that he is busy assisting the Attorney to redact his report.

            “Why did the intelligence agencies think that Trump was such a threat?” You hit the nail on the head. Many people across our nation (including many higher-ups in the intelligence agencies) believed Trump to be a threat (As I believed Hillary Clinton to be a threat). Good thing we have elections. We can discover why members of the intelligence community believed that Trump was a threat. That answer is found in Strzok/Page text message exchanges. Many elite high ranking members of the intelligence agencies saw Trump as being a threat–to there sense of political ettiquette, to their world view, to their policy priorities, to their politcal allegiances, and to their professional aspirations. But notice that Strzok and Page never seriously suggest that Turmp has colluded with Russia–“There’s no there there,” says Strzok about Trump/Russia Collusion.

            It’s all been exposed Zano. The big threat that the Big Wigs in the intelligence agencies were concerned with is how if Trump were elected he would learn and expose how Obama’s DOJ oversaw the and rigged the FBI investigation of Hillary Clinton (just like rigged the election against Sanders). Therefore they needed an “insurance policy.” Halper wasn’t investigating Papa and Page because the FBI was worried that Trump was colluding with Russia, he was there to encourage members of Trump’s campaign to collude with Russia. This all happened way before the Dossier and before the drunken Papadopolous Downer meeting.

            If it wans’t for mere political motives, what exact actions of Trump caused the FBI to send Halper after Papa and Page?

            Why don’t we have a detailed account of the evidence that led the FBI to begin their investigation of Trump for colluding with Russia?

            Because obviously, there is no evidence.

            • Mick Zano
              April 13, 2019 at 2:02 PM

              Wow. By the time we parse through both Benghazi and Spygate the new world order will be in place. Thanks? AGAIN, over 100 contacts with Russians, most were in secret and most involved lied about the meetings (several to congress). What you are saying is essentially this: There was a bank robbery in 2016. An investigations discovered the gang who did it and they’re hiding out overseas to avoid extradition. 100 contacts occurred between the Trump crime family and this gang of known bank robbers on the lead up to the bank job. When asked about these meetings at first they all lied to the cops saying it never happened and then when the lies were exposed, they admitted to the meetings but then lied about what was discussed. You are saying we should give the Trump crime family the benefit of the doubt and not even look into the matter? …because freedom? Post the Patriot Act and the expansion of the NSA your ilk supported eavesdropping on everyone for the flimsiest of reasons, but now today you are stepping back from that shortsightedness by adding a clause that makes even less sense? “Well, you can always eavesdrop post 9/11, unless it looks like the person is guilty of something.” Great reasoning. Bravo.

              • pokey
                April 13, 2019 at 6:29 PM

                You’re fading into the cloudy world of generalizationville again Some factual events actually occurred and can be corroborated as actually having occurred. Even with NSA expansions, there are legal requirements for agents to spy on citizens (particularly political candidates).

                If the FBI had actual evidence that Donald Trump was coordinating with then Russian gov’t, then why did they need Papodopolous and Page in order to justify their surveillance? Or why did Trump need Papa to connect Trump with Putin if he was already connected with Putin? If the the FBI was genuinely concerned about these lower ranking members of Papa and Page, then why didn’t they go to Trump and tell him about it?

                These are simple questions that ought to be easily answered if what you say is true. Perhaps you can enlighten me right now–and maybe, just maybe the Mueller report will shed light on these matters.

                Bu so far, the standard story that you, Comey, McCabe, and Strzok are selling does not stand up against reasonable scrutiny, otherwise you wouldn’t have to drift off into generalizations when debating me.

                To generalize is a debating tactic of those whose position does not stand up to the known facts reasonably presented.

                • Mick Zano
                  April 14, 2019 at 11:15 AM

                  You are fading into the cloudy world of Hannitynationville again. I am talking about what we already know, which you don’t seem to know. If you think a bunch of mostly republican spooks were shilling for Obama, good luck with that riveting theory. We will look into every corner of how we obtained the FISA warrants, so why hyperventilate about it now? Republicans always have their meaningless day in court, or 400. But the interesting piece is going to be, how will the inquisitors dance around all the actual wrongdoing of team Trump to stay focused on the supposed procedural wrongdoing or the ‘it was all politically motivated’ theme? Members of our intelligence community are not going to stick with the fictional script. “I didn’t ask that question, Mr. Spook!” will be the phrase of the hour. While attempting to uncover a fictional narrative, I think we’re going to learn more about the actual narrative than any of our rightwing friends will be comfortable with. This is going to fun! But don’t worry, no matter what is uncovered Trump will stay in power one way or another. Either congress won’t do it’s job and impeach, Trump won’t stepdown even if impeached, or the most likely scenario: the truth exposed during any investigation will be ignored in favor of these Foxal nuggets.

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