Archeologist discovers the fossilized remains of a traditional George Will-like conservative dating back to the pre-Reagan administration.
"This exciting find could provide key evidence for the comparative study of Republican de-evolution," claims archeologist Sterling Hogbein of the Hogbein Institute and Microbrewery. "The skull is 31% larger than today’s social conservative," continues Hogbein, "and the pelvic bone suggests a much larger and heavier scrotal sack."
Newer conservatives seem to have lost the ability to use tools, keep governments small, and maintain even a rudimentary budget.
"Perhaps," posits Hogbein, "evolution is getting even with the non-believers."