Thai Porn Restaurants Linked to Dolphin Exploitation

Alex Bone

Tucson, AZ—The shocking truth behind the link between dolphin abuse and Thai porn restaurants was recently discovered by Discord staff (quite by accident). I assure you we had no ideas those big black silhouettes of naked women had anything to do with porn. But with this story broke, the staff pledged not to rest until every porn establishment in the city was thoroughly investigated. It will mean long, late hours, with an increased expense budget, but that’s the dedication you’ve come to expect from this group.

We asked Mr. Winslow for enough extra funds to visit every restaurant in Tucson as well, but he didn’t buy the whole porn-restaurant connection. That’s where he was wrong…dead wrong.

Playing porn films in the background while engaged in fine dining is one thing, and usually quite lovely, but when dolphins get involved people have crossed a line that there’s no returning from, at least not without CPR.

I visited, Loo Hung Duk in the back room of his restaurant. While the moans of pleasure and bondage faded into the background, I was brought to the edge of the small dolphin pool he kept in his filming studio. He had this to say in his defense. “Everyone knows dolphins are wicked pissa smart. What, I grew up in Boston. Dolphins, humans, what’s the real difference? One lives in the ocean and has fins… oooooo, big deal. Besides, I think Dolphins are wicked hot.”

Moving closer to the pool he said, “Listen to this. Fah, what do you love best?”

“Fah, love porn,” the Dolphin said.

“That’s from that old George C. Scott movie!” I said.

“Yeah, what about it? I got the thing in a Hollywood auction in 1986. Say you’re a tall fellow and I think Fah likes you. When she balances a ball on her nose that’s a good sign.”

“What happens if she doesn’t like you?” I asked.

“A flipper to the groin, but don’t worry it would have happened already.”

When he told me how much he paid his ‘actors’ (free sesame chicken and all the beer I can drink in thirty minutes) how could I refuse? After all, I do work for the Discord.

So I lowered myself into the pool and Fah started to- (Edit)

After grabbing another beer, I went back into the pool and- (Edit)

Fah and I took the sesame chicken and rubbed it all over- (Edit)

A few minutes later- (Edit) and then we- (Edit) and I finished with a round of- (Edit). (Edit) and the sesame chicken was actually still pretty good. So if this report got to you gentle readers a little late, I apologize, because I’ve been hanging out with Fah a lot. I have never met anyone that could- (Edit) underwater. I might be in love.

All right, honestly she didn’t like me so I speak in a higher voice now, but I did get some free beer for my trouble. And my doctors are hopeful my testicles will descend again real soon.  But, meanwhile, look for our newest videos Better than Mermaids, Behind The Green Aquarium, Deep Gill, Debbie Does Dolphin, Blow Hole Party 4, and My Purple Porpoise, where ever fine videos are sold.

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Alex Bone

Alex Bone

Alex Bone (Michael D. Griffiths) is a man who likes to keep busy, too bad it mostly involves cleaning squirrels. In the past, his writing has been published in numerous periodicals and anthologies sometimes even published by someone else. He was awarded first place in Withersin’s 666 contest, which he was told will later give him the Golden Ticket tour of the third plane of Hell. He is on the staff of The Daily Discord, Cyberwizard Productions, SFReader, and on the Board of Directors for the Society of Advanced Humans that Seek to Live as Viking Ninjas. His series The Chronicles of Jack Primus is available through Living Dead Press. After being bitten by a zombie, his attentions have turned toward the walking dead and he has begun a new Zombie Apocalypse series called the Eternal Aftermath. When he discovered that he was a cloned from Eric the Red’s DNA, he wrote the Science Fiction series Skinjumpers. Later while experimenting with strange fungus, he slipped into a Fantasy world ruled by the mad mage Dalsala Den.