Mysterious Crap Circles: Alien Messages or Intestinal Flu?

Mysterious Crap Circles: Alien Messages or Intestinal Flu?

Alliance, NE—An unprecedented and quite artistic wave of fecal designs are now dotting the midwestern landscape.  These titanic turds are part of an unexplained phenomenon known as ‘crap circles.’  Unsure of the precise cause, scientists have not ruled out extra terrestrial fecal matter (ETFM).  Local art communities describe the sacred mounds as Fart-Deco.  Could these be the same shitting stars locals are now spotting across the night sky with increasing irregularity?  A total of seventeen such post-intestinistic displays have thus far been discovered. Most of these circular poo piles (CPPs) are located in the corn fields surrounding Alliance, NE. 

Dr. Sterling Hogbein, of the Hogbein Institute & Lube, is calling these events Close Encounters of the Number 2 kind.  The aged archeologist believes the site’s proximity to Carhenge, a Stonehenge replica created from old cars, is no coincidence.

“Carhenge is an ancient structure that holds unknown energies,” said Hogbein of the 1987 constructed sculpture. “It’s also one of the few Midwestern tourist oddities that can be seen from space—er, well, very low space,” corrected Hogbein.  “This makes it a great intergalactic restroom of sorts.”

Hogbein posits that the deposits originate beyond our solar septic system and, perhaps, some alien race is aiming for Carhenge like a cosmic bull’s-eye.

“Regardless, it lends credence to Hawkins recent statements about avoiding contact with aliens,” said Hogbein.  “He, in particular, would have a hard time getting out of the way of one of these plummeting brown beauties.” 

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. 

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