There is simply no excuse for our recent feature: GOP Critical of Japanese Response to Giant Lizard. As it turns out, Godzilla never attacked Japan in his latest rampage. Instead, the king of the monsters headed to San Francisco, thus the Golden Gate Bridge scene in the preview. Zano wrote the article and submitted it a few weeks prior to actually seeing the movie. After I noticed the error, this is his email response:
“Damnit Winslow! There are only a few things one can count on in this troubled world and Godzilla’s ongoing desire to destroy Tokyo is high among them. Post Fukushima, Godzilla, a creature attracted to radiation, should have been even more inclined to return to his favorite stomping grounds, pardon the pun. Besides, any attack on San Francisco should have been better coordinated with our national gay pride day, which occurred a mere two months after the release. Besides, why not just Photoshop Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S (2003) onto the image? Do I have to think of everything? Hey, why not watch the film first to make sure he actually attacks Tokyo in this version. You can even use my Netflix password, which is Winslow = Douche.”
For Zano’s submission Ten Children Vanish During Jackson’s Cirque du Soleil Performance, which was late by the way, I pointed out how Cirque du Soleil hails from Canada, not France. He told me the troupe left France, “to avoid the lousy customer service and nasty smells associated with their cities.”
Finally, as it turns out, you cannot use an equal sign in a Netflix password. This is another of his mistakes within mistakes, a phenomenon we have come all to accustom to here at The Daily Discord.
Pierce X. Winslow, CEO
P.S. Oh, and The Onion is never going to hire you, so stop being such a whiney bitch.