Washington, D.C.—The data recovered from a very small black box retrieved from the drone that recently crashed on The White House lawn, suggests the drone “acted alone”. The information stored on the unmanned aerial vehicle also indicates the device may have become radicalized after viewing a rerun of a particularly controversial episode of Robot Chicken.
John Q. Republican doubts these initial reports. “This was not a lone drone attack. A coordinated strike would not fit snugly into this Administration’s false narrative. I think this is the first wave of a robot vanguard, which is a testament to this President’s ongoing inability to protect our borders and his failure to identify cybernetic threats—Robot Chicken related or otherwise.”
The Obama Administration is calling for calm. “I have seen every Terminator movie,” said Obama, “I am therefore confident that should such a scenario play out in America, I would be like Will Smith in I, Robot. Remember that shit?”
“More like Robot Chicken,” argued John Q. Republican. “We can no longer afford the luxury of waiting until a threat actually exists. We need to bomb the shit out of Comedy Central today and then we must bomb all those cyborg making factories and stores. We’re done waiting for pussies like Obama to actually assess the best strategies. Look, I’m not a dataologist, but what do we really know about these black boxes and those liberal technicians who read them?”
Brian Williams has recanted his earlier account, “This is not the drone that attacked me while I was preparing an NBC segment on the dangers of sentient cyborg technologies. It did look like it, though. Gosh, I feel terrible again.”