The Daily Discord: 2009 An Editing Odyssey

Dave Atsals

One contributor asked about the Discord’s submission and editing process, and no it wasn’t Pokey McDorkis.  He still doesn’t have internet access, or a clue.   L. Wolfe asked me, why hasn’t my article (sent to Mick Zano six months ago) been posted yet?  I explained to Mr. Wolfe, in true Discord fashion, the way an article makes it all the way from host to post. 

First off, after the realization that another article involving Thai Hookers is not what the readers want, Mr. Winslow approves the idea anyway.  The article is then written by one of our contributors, in this case L. Wolfe.  Typically the initial writing is done on bar napkins or coasters in a wide array of seedy establishments across our great nation.  The shredded rat’s nest of beer stained napkins is then handed off to me to decipher and type. This normally takes over a week, due to my inability to decipher or type.   Beware: blowing your nose carelessly before this first transcription phase can set back any given article several weeks. 

Mr. Winslow always says you go with the team of writers you have, not the team of writers you wish you had.  He’s a dick sometimes. 

The article is then emailed to Mick so he can fill in the unreadable words and the missing paragraphs that I failed to decipher. A week later I usually get an email requesting a resend due to “computer failure”.  My ass Micko; check your god damned recycle bin, jack ass. 

Two weeks later the article is emailed back.  I then print it out and begin what I refer to as Far Trek III: The Search for Poke.  Phoneless and rarely at home, finding Pokey is often harder than finding a skinny chick at Taco Bell.  I check the brew pubs, coffee houses, strip clubs, gutters, and massage parlors, often with no luck, well, luck finding Pokey.  He is often found smoking dung with the Ghetto Shaman under the Market Street Bridge. 

Recent events have made finding Pokey much worse.  He now has no roommate to point me in the right direction.  I also could not find him at home for two weeks due to the “Danger” tape wrapped around his entire residence.   It started as a small enough fire but got much larger during the period it took him to run to the local Denny’s to call 911.  (Did I mention he has no phone of his own and how dangerous smoke signaling can be?)

The article then spends a week with Mr. McDooris who eventually tapes it to his door for pick up (the door he didn’t char).  Smoke signals let me know that this phase of editing is complete.  This can be complicated, of course, by house fires and bad cooking.  Rain, sleet, snow, hail, and vomit normally need brushed and or scraped off the article at the time of pick up. 

Let the next round of deciphering, decoding and retyping begin.  Finally the article is done and is ready to be sent back to the original author for final approval. 

The article is then sent via email to our Chief Editor, Pierce Winslow.  This often involves the mysterious zamboni gypsies, especially when Mr. Winslow forgets to take his Risperdal, and another round of editing and losing of the article commences.  When everyone is completely dissatisfied and no longer cares about the content of the article, it is ready for upload to the Daily Discord.  When it is finally posted, sometimes months later, the process ends with someone saying “Oh Shit” after the realization that the original version has somehow been uploaded to the site.

Did I mention that, by hitting the ‘contact us’ button on our website, you too can be a part of this joyous and quite free epic process?  Send your article to the Daily Discord today!   Don’t waste another minute…that’s our job.

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