Despite some setbacks, The Daily Discord is proud to announce the grand opening of the Earth is Flat Museum—ironically located in the hills of Kentucky (in the alley behind Ed’s Wok, next to the Dumpster, across from The Creation Museum). The museum’s curator, Lloyd “Bubba” Hickenson, had hoped the opening ceremony would be led by Thomas Friedman, but the award winning New York Times’ columnist insists his version of a ‘flat world’ is metaphorical only.
Once the proposal for such a museum hit the blogosphere by, yours screwly, museum donations came trickling in! At least three supporters donated to the cause. Donations included a King James Bible (stamped Best Western), a rare copy of A Ted Haggard X-mas (rated-X), and a semi-melted rubber chicken (it’s the thought that counts).
“We have a nice alley stoop, upwind of the dumpster,” said Hickenson, “on which we prop our soapbox and discuss our poster presentations (a poster presentation based on an actual Power Point presentation). We also have lunch-bag puppet shows for the kiddies! Our lunch specials run twice a day, generally coinciding with the floor sweepings at Ed’s Wok. Or, why not indulge in one of José’s kitchen scrap specials? (José’s real name is being withheld at Ed’s request for fear of pending immigration actions.) And don’t forget to bring your rubber gloves, folks, for our dumpster diving bonuses! Who needs Teppanyaki, when you can have much more affordable Teppanyucky?
Our attractions include:
- Our Flattening Earth: A compelling, interactive display that clearly demonstrates the impossibility of a spherical world. Try your hand at balancing a green plastic army man on a) a flat model of the earth, b) the top of a basketball, and c) the bottom of a basketball. Kid friendly!
- The Receding Horizon Paradox: Here, through the innovative use of smoke and mirrors, we demonstrate how the spherical earth theory is false. The horizon continually receding from view at exactly the same rate at which you approach is actually quite false. Understand how such a theory necessitates an intelligent horizon, and how the flat earth reality eliminates such a paradox.
- Handstands and Headaches: Can You Live Upside-Down? You be the judge of this simple, yet powerful, demonstration of the impossibility of “living upside down” as would be required on a spherical earth. Try your hand at drinking a glass of milk while hanging upside down. See how long you can last inverted before you develop a pounding headache (or milk comes out your nose). Try simple tasks like tossing a ball between two people, or try your swing on our own, lawyer friendly, Wiffle ball course. You’ll see with your own eyes how ridiculous the spherical earth theory is after you experience this exhibit. What are those scientists smoking? Kid injury friendly!
- The Three Dimensional Delusion: See how scientific facts necessitate that all visible objects in the solar system are flat, just like the earth. See how a flat moon is the only way to accurately explain the lunar cycles. Understand how the logical incongruity of a spherical earth in a flat solar system simply cannot be true.
- Ride a Dinosaur Exhibit: This attraction is only offered when the guy over at The Creation Museum is taking a dump (usually around 2:00 PM). Void when not voiding.
- Earth is Flat Slogan Contest: We’re looking for a new slogan for the Earth is Flat Museum! This new slogan will replace the current “Flat is PHAT!” slogan. It seems that our visitors don’t know what PHAT means. Submit your entry to The DailyDiscord.com today. Just don’t send it to the Ghetto Shaman by accident or risk eternal damnation.
Come visit us on the web at: www.twistingLogicIntoAPretzel.org.
Paid for in part by the Fuck Darwin Society (FDS, we’re limited).