The Pentagon—General David Petraeus told the press today, “The Daily Discord is senseless and vile.”
When someone informed him of their plans to carry out Egg a Radical Muslim Cleric Day, the general had even less charitable comments for the controversial e-zine.
“If the Discord goes through with their Halloween hijinx, it could endanger our troops in the field and undermine our mission in Afghanistan. Bradley armored vehicles might be TPd and scores of improvised flaming pooh bags (IFPBs) might be strategically placed outside all of our bases’ gates. A lot of people will be left with egg on their face. Images of sobbing, egg-covered Imams would undoubtedly be used by extremists as propaganda. For lack of a better phrase, it would only egg them on,” said Petraeus.
“We aren’t stopping this time,” said CEO, Pierce Winslow. “When we caved to pressure last time and failed to carry out Burn the Duran Day, a little part of the Discord died. Besides, what better way to put those recalled Iowa eggs to some good use, eh?”