It’s Not “The Holiday Season”: Insult Removed for Christ’s sake

The Crank

It’s Merry Christmas. It’s Happy Hanukkah. It’s Yo Kwanza. Screw the Solstice. Sticka’ the Wicca.  Fuck the Festivus. Kill all the politically correct shit, please.  If you won’t, I will.  In the immortal words of Bill Bixby, “Don’t make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

As one who was born into a Roman Catholic family, thankfully, my parents didn’t have time for church on Sunday.  We had a family business whose busiest time coincided when church was letting out.  So we didn’t go, ever. Therefore I never was asked to be an “alter boy” if you know what I mean.

With my butt cheeks intact, I ambled through life believing in God and the hereafter, praying as needed, only without the benefit of organized religion. Later on, as I matured—or matured-ish—I found I could live my life as a good person without the whole church thing. What I see now, though, is that people who regard religion as a large part of their everyday life, whatever their choice of deity, have now become targets to the abusive PC police. If you are Muslim, you are free to be religious…BUT, you better take down that Nativity scene; we wouldn’t want to offend anyone around the “holidays”, now would we? My ass. I am not offended by a Star of David, and my Kosher friends are likewise able to appreciate a nice Cross now and again, unless I happen to be nailing them to it (then, not so much).  

Separation of Church and State has become dissolution of Church BY State. What was actually meant by that part of our Founding Father’s first term paper was that the “State” was never to show preference to any one religion over another—nor were they permitted to start their own. The LAST thing they had in mind was what is happening now. Have you PC peons ever actually LOOKED at the dollar bill?  You steal enough of them from the rich to give to the poor. “IN GOD WE TRUST” (all else pay cash).  How’s ‘bout the Constitution?  Yep, GOD’s there too. While the flotation of my personal watercraft does not depend on said Deity, I do feel that it is not intrinsically evil to worship God, and it may actually be beneficial to some. Also, my little PC police, they outnumber you, so you might actually have to get over it. As unbelievable as the story of Mormon is…nearly as believable as a burning virgin, or a talking Bush…or something like that.  Did I mention I missed some church in my youth?  But some of the nicest, smartest, well rounded, successful people I know are Mormon. I deal with it very nicely, thank you. Zano himself will tell you that I firmly believe that my mother is now in charge up there.  It was probably easier than the alternative (arguing with her) and I’m betting she’s probably waiting there at the gate to kick Zano’s ass on arrival.

In closing, let’s pray that the PC police start giving the Christians a break.  If you want a new cause, I nominate Christmas Muzak. That should be a bipartisan, all religions can agree, no brainer.  Even God knows where to draw the line.  We can all declare war on Muzak.  It could bring us a common cause and, perhaps, one step closer to world peace.  Only Kenny G. will be sobbing into his saxophone somewhere.  We can start by boycotting elevators or plugging the speakers with toilet paper. Let the Muzak Crusades begin! 

Have a Cranky Christmas.

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