Clear Lake, IA—Newt Gingrich, the out of control right wing mouth piece, is still burning today, but pundits claim the buffoon is nearly 70% contained at this hour. For many tense weeks, it looked as if Gingrich would incinerate huge swaths of America. Last month, he completely burned the Ryan Plan forcing Republicans to work around the clock to extinguish sections of the ignited document. In Dallas, after several aides resigned from his campaign, an attempt was made to drive Gingrich east into Lake Ray Hubbard. Unfortunately, he was able to jump a firebreak and escape.
“We now have him surrounded in Iowa,” announced House Speaker John Boehner. “We were concerned he would keep talking, but now his fiery often contradictory rhetoric is finally smoldering.”
When asked if high political winds could rekindle Gingrich’s campaign, Boehner said, “Not likely. No one is going to fan those flames.”
Just to be on the safe side, Iowa’s Governor, Terry Branstad, is urging residents to keep all accelerants and all microphones away from the former Speaker.
“Gingrich is currently holed up over in Clear Lake,” said Branstad, “where no media is getting in or out. Unfortunately, he does have access to his social sites, so be the first of your friends to Not Like.”