Los Angeles, CA—The Social Phobia Facebook group has a good following in the greater Los Angeles area, yet none of the 51 active members have managed to attend any of their 78 scheduled meetings since the group’s inception in the Spring of 2010.

The Meetup group organizer, Stanley Stehenside, had this to say, “Our 22nd Meetup came very close to actually happening as Mr. Filkins made it to within yards of the diner in question and I came within two blocks before running back to my apartment in sheer terror. That was an exciting day for all of us.”

The Meetup members are hopeful their 79th Meetup will break their losing streak.

“We have a plan,” said Mr. Stehenside. “Two of our members live in the same building, so we’ve chosen their lobby for our next Meetup location. We’re confident at least two of our members will be present. That is, if Miss Hidesley can get over her fear of stairs and elevators by then.”

The group has an extra special itinerary for this next, all important meeting, “We’ve made arrangements with the building manager to host a poetry slam and a very open mic night, as no one is likely to go near the bloody thing,” said Stehenside.

The group organizer stated he has already finished a poem that he plans to not read during the event entitled, “For fuck’s sake, woman, close those god damn blinds!”