Romney’s Barrage of Ambiguous Bullsh*t Bolsters Brainless Base

Romney’s Barrage of Ambiguous Bullsh*t  Bolsters Brainless Base

Boston, MA—The Romney campaign believes its recent senseless, tangential, and often circular arguments have reinvigorated his supporters. Romney had compared Obama’s foreign policy to Jimmy Carter’s, but then endorsed each of the President’s policies during the last debate, with one notable exception.

“If I ever host another Olympics, Russia’s not invited,” said Romney. “And China is going to be charged a higher entry fee than any other country. They’ll have to bow to me before we even let them go hurling!”

His campaign manager later explained that he meant curling.

As for his seeming foreign policy reversals, Romney said, “You remember my work at Bain Capital, right? I simply tailored those tactics to a debate format. I initiated a hostile takeover of Obama’s policies. I purchased them wholesale, loaded them with manure, and then bankrupted his positions in front of millions of independent voters.”

A member of the Obama Administration is flummoxed by Romney’s erratic behavior. “It’s not optimal hearing the word flummoxed used by anyone in my campaign,” said Obama, “especially so close to the election.”

In response, Romney said, “If he doesn’t understand me, then he doesn’t understand America. This is not about obfuscation, because, frankly, most of the people who support me aren’t going to know what that word means. This is about a clear and decisive attempt to muddy the waters before the election.”

Muddy Waters was unavailable for comment.

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Mick Zano

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family.