Tag Archive for steve bannon

Fire In Bannon’s Liquor Drawer During ‘Flaming Moe’ Attempt Triggers White House Evacuation

Washington, D.C.—The White House is downplaying a fire that started earlier today in Chief Strategist Steve Bannon’s office, or, more specifically, his liquor drawer. The fire occurred as Mr. Bannon was trying to recreate the Flaming Moe, a fictional drink of Simpsons’ fame. The flames quickly spread from the liquor drawer to one of President Trump’s auxiliary hair product drawers, and in moments the fire claimed a chair, some drapes, and a portrait of Dolly Madison. Everyone involved agrees the fire was quickly contained and could have been much worse. In a presidential tweet, President Trump calmed the American people: “Luckily we only lost a painting of that chick who made the first ice cream cone #GoodbyeDolly.”

Bannon: Unsure If He Can Hide The Hitler Moustache For Next Four Years

neofascist-trump-appointee-banno-378x230mlTweet TowerDonald Trump’s chief White House strategist, Stephen “Steve” Bannon is unsure if his finger will be enough to hide his small Hitler-style moustache throughout the entire Trump Administration. Mr. Bannon, best known for a slew of disreputable websites such as Breitbart.com, told The Discord, “I have been using several techniques to cover the stashe, such as the cough, sneezing fit, or, for long meetings, epic prayer stance. I was thinking about just buying the smallest spit mask I can find on eBay. It would hide the Hitler moustache and, let’s face it, a spit mask is Trumppropriate. That’s a word now, well, it will be when Trumpipedia replaces those Wiki fucks. In fact, I think he’s going to make his Secretary of State where steampunk goggles and a mohawk. This is going to be a badass administration, or just bad and ass.”